The Most Important Question

I know I am just starting but I can already see many things I'd like to fix in my style of recaps. For one, less plain recapping, more commentary. But these are kinda long and can be taxing if not rewarding. I'm sure with more time, I'll get better at this.

Let me first spread this episode out for you in a nutshell (I know I am mixing my metaphors, it’s a reference to Sports Night, one of my favorite shows. You should probably watch that instead of Lost.): This episode sets up four new characters that I don’t like…and that’s pretty much it. The plot doesn’t move forward too much, otherwise. Suck.

We open to footage of an underwater camera and 2 people remotely observing and controlling the exploration. And they find the lost wreckage of Oceanic Flight 815!? Oh wait…not that impressive. Mostly because it’s fake. And it’s not too unreasonable to assume that, after like 3 months, the only worse press for an airline than a plane crash is a plane crash they can’t find. So you make something up. But for some reason, this guy, Dan, is watching the news of the discovery and just starts sobbing. He also happens to be the parachutist from last week. Just crying at home for no reason his wife or even he understands. I mean, sure, it’s supposed to set up questions: why is he crying, how’d he end up on the island, etc. But you know what? I don’t really care about new characters. The fact that he and his cronies introduced in this episode, become season regulars does not sit well with me. You already heard me complain about all the characters I don’t like last week. I doubt the solution is to add more characters into the mix. I want answers, not crazy crybaby nutjobs.

Anyways, we cut to a hectic scene inside the helicopter where crybaby Dan is unwillingly forced out of the helicopter, he desperately deploys his chute and when he gets to his feet, hears the approaching Jack and Kate. OooOOoooh, he conceals a gun so things aren’t so S&R friendly after all. But honestly, we could expect that. What with Charlie writing ‘Not Penny’s Boat’ on his hand. He introduces himself as Daniel Faraday, the man here to rescue them.

Ok, I’m jumping the gun a little bit but this is a good segue into something that really grinds my gears. In like half an hour, you learn he is a physicist. His name is Daniel Faraday. For those with better majors than me(read: everyone, except Tim) here is some background information: Michael Faraday was a prominent scientist in the fields of physics and chemistry. He is a major influence on electromagnetism (Like what the Swan studied, ooOOooh) and is considered to have pioneered the field of nanoscience (if anyone resurrects the theory that the smoke monster is an AI motivated collection of nanobots, I will hurt them). He has two units of measure named after him AND a constant. So he’s kind of important to the science community. He was known as a philosopher of nature. My problem: Lost very unsubtly names characters after important philosophers. John Locke. Rousseau. You guys just are not trying very hard. I’ll admit Jack Shepard is a little better. But John Locke was seriously the laziest job ever. It’s like you put it up as his placeholder name but never filled it in with a real one. And now we have a scientist named after a scientist? When it’s that obtuse, it’s distracting. Like the movie, The Savages. It did not need that extra layer with the play on the family name. So, in conclusion, attention writers: please stop naming characters after historical figures you guys kinda remember from the few days you actually went to class in college.

So Crybaby mentions stuff about his team and their GPS like thingies that can be found using the 1992 iPhone. They try to make it sound technical but it doesn’t really matter because it only results in two outcomes: people that our outraged at how science/technology does not actually work like that (I usually fall into this camp) and people that take Lost so seriously that they believe it like gospel. And of course they all argue over the internet (which necessarily is a zero sum game). Eeeeeh, Tck tck tck tck.

Elsewhere, Locke is enjoying the rain. Because he is crazy. When it stops (the rain, not Locke being crazy), they head out. But before going to the barracks like Locke said, he wants to make a detour at a cabin. When Hurley points out that he thought the cabin was the other direction, Locke starts interrogating him and Hurley covers himself by claiming to refer to the airplane cabin. Now, I have talked to many people, and the general consensus is it was Locke who scared Hurley at the cabin. PS Though I didn’t realize it at the time, the man in the rocking chair during the last episode was none other than Christian Shepard! What. The. Fuck. I still don’t understand if they are going to the cabin though, why Locke is so angry at Hurley for mentioning it. Whatever. Locke spouts some more stuff about fate and then mentions he is following the orders of Walt.

Back on the beach, Sayid and Juliet have some relatively meaningless and uninteresting conversation but Juliet does acknowledge that these people may be bad. So how many guns do you have Sayid? Let’s go shoot us some baddies.

When Jack, Kate, and Dan stumble upon some jettisoned cargo from the helicopter, including biohazard gear and gas masks, Jack confronts Dan about the gun and starts an interrogation. Just as Dan says that rescuing the survivors is not their primary mission and Jack presses him for more information, Dan picks up his partner’s, Miles, beacon. They can’t fucking walk and talk? Haven’t they seen the West Wing? It’s not that hard people.

Sawyer pushes Locke for more information about Walt and Locke reveals that it was Walt, “only taller.” I find it weird that Locke didn’t just describe him as older (since the actor is) and am mildly dreading how they’re gonna explain this. Sawyer does not believe Locke when he says Ben shot him until Locke reveals the gun shot wound. Sawyer is an idiot because Locke was in a fucking wheelchair before coming to the island.

As Jack and crew follow the iPhone to Miles, we see a view over the Cliffside to an unconscious parachutist with his chute flapping in the wind. I was really hoping for some sweet Lord of the Flies omage, where the wind makes him scare them and stuff but no dice. As Jack checks to see if Miles is alive, he comes to and pulls his gun on Jack because he knows Naomi is dead.

At this suspenseful moment, we are treated to a flashback featuring our newly discovered friend. He’s apparently the most expensive cleaning service in the city, demanding $200 up front as he assembles what looks like a dirt devil. He goes upstairs, turns on his vacuum thing and goes into a trance. Apparently he’s a ghostbuster. As far as I can recall, there was no Asian ghostbuster and none of them were psychic. Also he doesn’t have the a sweet proton pack. So he sucks. He demands the ghost tell him where ‘it’ is and then finds a bunch of cash and drugs. He takes the phat stack of cash and rehides the drugs. As he leaves, he feels bad for the grieving grandma, and refunds a hundred dollars.

Back on the island, Miles reveals that Naomi didn’t cover for the losties. She used a code word, “tell my sister I love her,” which stands for “they have a gun to my head.” When Kate tries to explain what happens, Miles demands to see her body. Because he’s a ghostbuster. Or a necrophiliac. Or both.

Locke’s troupe is refilling their water and Ben begins sowing dissention with that mouth of his again. First he pisses of Karl, and then Sawyer. Although, it’s not like either are too hard to agitate. When Ben keeps pressing the whole love triangle thing, Sawyer starts pummeling him until Locke stops it because they need his information. I am surprised Rousseau didn’t make a stink when Locke refers to Ben as Alex’s dad, but I guess it would ruin the moment.

Miles meditates over Naomi’s corpse and Dan says the stupidest line about how the light scatters oddly. When Miles realizes they are telling the truth, Charlotte’s beacon comes online. Jack tells Miles to put the guns down because in a moment reminiscent of when Tom had the losties trapped, Sayid and Juliet have surrounded them and fire their guns off to show they aren’t kidding around.

In another flashback, a woman, Charlotte, is driving through the desert to an archeological dig, where she excited discovers a DHARMA brand polar bear. So there was more than one DHARMA brand camp? Or did that polar bear swim from a tropical island out to the desert? At this point, I think both are about as likely to be the case.

Charlotte wakes up on the island, hanging upside down from a tree. She, in my opinion, stupidly undoes her pack to drop into the water below. I mean how does she know this water is deep enough? She could’ve killed herself. Though, that might have been just as well. Locke finds her and says hi.

Sayid interrogates Dan and Miles, though Miles is keeping answers short and curt. Sayid continues to question Miles and only gets more sarcasm. “Oh my god, you guys were on Oceanic flight 815, wow.” My thoughts exactly, Miles.

Charlotte is asking way too many questions about the survivors and Locke is trying to control the flow of this information. He then reveals that Charlotte stumbled onto the wrong people, not wanting to be found and all and they get up and get on the move again.

Sayid starts picking up Charlotte’s beacon and it’s moving fast. As the group try to close in on the signal, Dan starts shouting her name. Jack tries to silence him because, aside from the loud, rapid beeping of the iPhone, they are trying to be stealth. And Dan is totally ruining that. It turns out to just be Vincent with the transponder tied to his neck and Jack makes the correct assumption that Locke has her. No shit, Sherlock.

Back in a tropical fish store, a disheveled looking man is watching the news report of the Oceanic flight 815 crash. He knows the pilot in the footage is not Seth Norris, because of no wedding ring. He reveals he was supposed to be the pilot for that flight. OOooohh. If you may recall, the pilot from the very first episode was actually Greg Grunberg, none other than Heroes’ telepathic Matt Parkman. I like Matt way more than any of the losties, so it’s a good thing he got off that stupid island.

The intended pilot, banged and bruised, stumbles through the jungle and up a hill. He runs into a cow and is completely dumbfounded by it. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the out of place animals here. He pulls out a cap gun he bought at the drug store and fires off a flare.

When Charlotte sees the flare and demands to go help him, claiming that she’s here because of them, Locke tells her to shove it. She’s being stubborn so Ben shoots her and then Sawyer starts attacking Ben, possibly because he didn’t get a chance to try and bang her yet. But Locke checks on her and discovers that she is okay, what with wearing a bullet proof vest and all. Ben just cannot seem to use a gun properly. If I ever don’t want to die from a gunshot, I’ll let Ben do it.

Jack and crew find Frank, our intrepid pilot, and he reveals that the helicopter didn’t crash. In fact, it looks pretty good. Damn, he must be a good pilot.

Naomi and creepy fake attorney guy from last week are meeting about her taking lead of this group of four. She refers to Dan as a ‘headcase’ which, though not fully explained, is not too far of a stretch.

Sayid inspects the plane and figures they can get it working again. Jack gives Miles the iPhone in trade for some information, and he tacks on the ‘no talking about your sister clause.’ Juliet is bandaging up Frank, except when she mentions her name, he realizes she’s not a survivor. When Frank tell Miles, he demands Juliet reveal where Ben is.

Locke decides to “clean up his mess” by taking the responsibility for executing Ben. Ben claims he has answers though, so Locke jumps directly to the question everyone wants to know, “what is the monster? The black smoke monster.” When Ben can’t give an answer, Locke cocks the gun. Ben quickly blurts out everything he knows about Charlotte to save his hide and reveals that they are really after him. He knows this because he has a man on their boat.

LOST.