The Beginning of the Blog

Here is my first attempt at a recap, starting off with Lost (season 4, episode 1). I know I need to find my groove but I am sure things will smooth themselves out. Obviously, spoiler warnings after the cut. I hope you enjoy it!

Previously on Lost: it doesn’t matter because they are a) never going to resolve the issues they started or b) give you the lamest explanation that don’t make any sense anyways. Besides, it’s been about eight months since I watched the last episode, do you think I remember the intricate plot details that have been tangled up?

We open to some beautiful tropical fruit piled high, subsequently smashed apart by a red Camaro. Oh Lost writers, you are clever in your symbolism. How the island is symbolized by the fruit is not over my head (I actually inadvertently had a ‘lost’ pun there first but thought it too inexcusable to leave). Except this isn’t AP English and Mrs. Vander Heide is long since gone. I’m no sparknotes though, so I’m not too impressed. We see Jack, clean shaven, watching it on tv while making himself a screwdriver. Alcoholic Jack means it’s definitely a flashforward, but no beard Jack means it fits in before the previous one, chronologically. He sees the Camaro and realizes who it is, as I guess we were too. But guess what, I forgot Hurley was fixing a Camaro when he was 10. That was like 3 years ago. I got busy. So did most other people. When Hurley is finally cornered by the police, they tell him to step out of the car. He tries to make a run for it. But who is he kidding, even Hurley has to realize he is not going far. As he is being arrested, he cryptically screams about being “one of the Oceanic Six!” Does this mean only six people got off the island? Are the rest dead? Still on the island? If only six did escape, who was it (I mean clearly we know Hurley, Jack, and Kate are half). If I had to guess, the other three are Sayid, Sawyer, and possibly Claire. Locke loves the island too much, and no other living survivor has nearly as intricate an off-island storyline.

I want to take this as an opportunity to say that I don’t really care about most of the characters left. As noted earlier, I was a big Charlie (and Boone) fan; I also miss Mr. Eko, just because he was kinda comical. With their passing, the only character I really like left is Hurley. Jack, Kate, Sawyer have this stupid love triangle thing that I don’t care about at all. Locke is crazy. Sayid, in my opinion, is a flat character (remember when he dated Shannon, and then she died? Because part of me is sure that he doesn’t) and nothing happens to him, he’s just kinda there. Sun and Jin, recently, seem pretty underdeveloped as well. So she speaks English, the island fixed his penis (my theory), and he is not really as abusive as Asian stereotypes make him out to be. I don’t care. I find Claire too whiny. And Bernard and Rose and tertiary characters at best. And I am glad Michael left slash dread him coming back. I cannot take any more shouting of ‘Where’s my boy?!’

I actually started watching Lost in the middle of season two, because of my roommate, Kyle. It was so ridiculous and I am such a dick that I kept making fun of it until finally I gave in and watched it from the beginning. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching Lost (even the shitty parts of season 3, mostly). But I think the characters, for the most part, are stupid. No one behaves like that. But I like it get involved in tv shows (hence, why I have this blog), so I keep watching and investing time into it.

Anyways, so Hurley lies to Ana-Lucia’s ex-partner and we learn he started the chase because someone scared him in a convenience store. Then he has a hallucination similar to when Mikhail blew up the Looking Glass porthole (I really want to digress and talk about how the physics of the situation would lead to Charlie surviving, but that is wasted space. It’s a tv show about a magical island and they killed him for dramatic effect. I can get over it.). When the police officer asks him, threateningly, if he wants to go back to the mental institute, Hurley begs yes.

Back on the island, Hurley is radioing Jack and gives himself the sweet codename of Beast. If Hurley is Beast, Jack needs to be Cyclops (for both the leader position and the fact that he’s a big douchebag). Sawyer is obviously Wolverine, for desiring Jack’s girl (I guess that makes Kate equivalent to Jean Grey) and for being the sexy loner that girls want. Locke can be Professor X because he thinks he is super smart and is bald. Anyways, Jack and Kate talk about Locke and the repercussions of him killing Naomi. Jack says he will kill Locke if he sees him again. Cyclops has got his panties in a twist. We get a few more small scenes of the survivors, including one where Rose is basically tells Claire to bang Charlie for saving them. She is seriously dirty. And Ben worries about the coming of these ‘rescuers.’

Out at the beach, Hurley tells Bernard about his money and its burden and Bernard just shrugs it off as a joke. Hurley then decides he wants to do a cannonball and we are treated to a gratuitous scene that draws from the idea “what if Jorge Garcia was the star of Baywatch?” Desmond returns and he and everyone at the beach are shouting about how they called the boat and how they’re in trouble and there are warnings, and then Hurley in his infinite compassion demands to know where Charlie is. This is why Hurley and I could be BFFs.

Jack gets a phone call and the guy wants to talk to Naomi, who has disappeared. Jack panics, lies and hangs up. And when Jack confronts Ben, Ben gives an awesome, sassy answer. Rousseau finds the trail and she and Jack gear up to find Naomi. Kate is worried about a dummy trail but Jack basically blows her off. She says he’s right, hugs him and lets him go. Ben voyeuristically, watches on,

An argument erupts back on the beach about the best way to approach this warning. Are these people listening to communications? Hurley chucks the walkie into the ocean and makes the decision they need to warn the other survivors face to face. Hurley makes the good point that, “you don’t wait with warnings, you warn.” Our beach team gears up with the guns and heads off to find their group.

In the mental institute, Hurley wins another round of connect four against someone who may not understand he lost, or is even playing. An attorney for Oceanic Airlines offers Hurley an upgraded facility but Hurley turns him down. But the attorney pushes and Hurley gets suspicious. When spooky fake guy can’t provide a business card, he cuts to the chase, “are they still alive?” What the fuck?! Hurley freaks out and he leaves. I want to make special note of the background actor playing with the paper butterfly on the wall in this scene. Amazing.

As our sharpshooting team treks through the jungle to warn the rest, Sawyer shows Hurley some compassion, realizing he and Charlie were close. Hurley brushes him off and Sawyer walks ahead. Hurley falls behind, gets lost, and then stumbles upon the cabin and hears creepy voices.

On the search for Naomi, guess what? Kate was right, Naomi double backed. It’s a good thing she went on the search herself then, as Ben sassily reveals. Seriously, Ben has some of the best lines in this episode, just to piss off Jack; I love it. Kate, on the search for Naomi, gets a phone call and doesn’t quite know how to lie. The phone really looks like a motorola from 1992 with an iphone screen superimposed over it. When Naomi gets the drop on Kate, George calls again and Kate gives it up to Naomi. Naomi doesn’t blame the losties for her injuries over the phone, resets the nav-sat thing as George asked, then promptly dies. Good riddance.

Hurley approaches Jacob’s creepy cabin and someone scares the crap out of him at the window. He runs but not before the cabin plays crazy mind tricks on him. He closes his eyes, counts to 10 and the cabin is replaced by Locke looking over him. Hurley tells Jack of Charlie’s message, reinforcing Locke’s idea of avoiding these people at all costs. Soon, Sayid and the others meet up with them and though tensions are still high, they agree that these people should not come to the island. Finally, they reunite with everyone else and everyone looks so happy to see each other. Except for Claire, looking around for Charlie. Desmond goes to tell her the news, but Hurley stops him, deciding to do it. They both break down and mourn the passing of our beloved hobbit/Oasis friend.

Back in the mental hospital, Hurley is drawing a picture of an Eskimo. It’s pretty good. Another patient warns Hurley that somebody is watching him and when Hurley looks up, he sees Charlie. How the fuck does this other loon see Charlie? Charlie acknowledges to Hurley that he is dead. But also that he is here. He slaps Hurley just to prove it. Charlie has a message for Hurley, “They need you,” but Hurley refuses to listen. As Hurley tries to ignore him, Charlie calls him a baby. Hurley closes his eyes, counts to five, and like the cabin, Charlie disappears. C’mon Hurley, do what your friend asks of you!

Jack gets in a sweet sucker punch on Locke, then tries to shoot him. Woah there, going a little to far there Jack. Maybe you could join Locke’s anger management group. When Kate returns with news of the death of Naomi, a schism between Jack and those to be rescued and Locke and those that want to avoid these boat people emerge. And while Hurley defends the memory of Charlie, I’m not sure he realizes his move means he has to listen to Locke. Who is crazy. Ben sassily asks Jack for permission to go with Locke, god I love it. And Sawyer deserts a heartbroken Kate. I hate this love triangle so much. So the two groups part ways.

Jack comes to visit Hurley at the institute, and they play a friendly game of horse. Except Jack seriously sucks at basketball. But Hurley is too smart, he knows Jack would “look weird with a beard” and knows that Jack came because he wants to make sure Hurley “won’t tell.” Hurley apologizes for going with Locke and then tells Jack that he thinks they should go back and that it was a mistake to leave. More ominious secrets. Ooooh, like this hasn’t gotten old. Jack shouts that they will never go back and Hurley simply responds “Never say never dude.” Seriously, Hurley knows his shit. He knows Jack will look gross with a beard and decide he wants back on the Island. Jack, you’re such a douche.

The episode ends with a cliff-hanger-y helicopter and new parachutist. Except I am seriously tired of more new characters.
LOST

Feedback would be much appreciated!

Also here is a little treat which I found hilarious and fairly accurate.