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Back in Action

This week on Lost we are reacquainted with our long missing friend, Michael. Personally, I would’ve liked him to stay missing but I guess this is just the way the cookie crumbles. So suck it up because there’s still enough demanding to see his boy in this episode to make up for all of last season (even in just the Previously On…).


Locke has apparently called a town meeting to get information out in the open. Even Miles gets to come, meaning the grenade is out of his mouth; lucky him! So the boat wants Ben, then they kill everyone, and also Ben’s spy is Michael. So the losties are finally caught up with the rest of us. I love Hurley’s comments about how Miles only shares what “[they] knew that forever ago” and how Sawyer recaps the highlights of Michael’s time on the island (i.e. he’s a selfish douche). I mean, Michael did kill a chick that Sawyer banged and left him in the hands, bound and blinded, of the enemies. So I can see why Sawyer is still pissed. Locke is way too nonchalant about giving everyone who has crossed him a second chance. Yet killed Boone. Did I mention I hate Locke?

On the boat, no one told me that Sayid and Desmond’s room was actually an NYU dorm. In the middle of the night, the fire alarm starts going off and they run up to the deck. Oh wait, it’s not a fire alarm, it’s a fight alarm. Apparently, it’s to wake sleeping crew members to get their asses to the weekly fight club meeting. “The rules of desertion…still apply to everyone.” Castration? Isn’t that what was gonna happen to Edward Norton? No, I guess the captain is just pissed because two dudes were sneaking off the boat to go make out with out him. Anyways, the captain reminds the crew of what happened to Minkowski (I called him Crazy Joe earlier) and I guess everyone goes back to their jobs. Michael was called over to clean the blood and when Sayid confronts him about what he’s doing, Michael just ominously says that he’s “here to die.” Ooooooh.

After the town meeting, Sawyer confronts Locke about leaving out the part where Miles wants the millions of dollars from Ben. Locke claims he just didn’t think it’d happen but Miles makes the astute point that Ben is able get want he wants. He got free of Locke’s capture and this is after shooting him. So Miles isn’t as dumb as he looks, just douchy.

Ben uses the time to give Alex a map to the temple (where the other Others are hiding). Ben plays on Rousseau’s and boyfriend’s fears but Alex stares him down and calls him dangerous and not trustworthy. Still, they take their leave and I can’t help but feel things are not on the straight and narrow.

Sayid and Desmond confront Michael a second time, wanting answers to why he’s here. The extra is given a lame excuse to go off screen. The second he’s gone, Sayid does some sweet threatening and Michael probably peed his pants a little. This leads us in to our flashback of the week. Or really just episode of the week.

Michael is living in New York City (w00t!) and gets in his crummy car with new stereo. He pins a note to his jacket and drives off. After Desmond’s episode, I was half hoping for a sweet Back to the Future type deal with a time traveling car but all I get is Michael trying to kill himself. Well, that’s okay…except for the operative word being trying.

He wakes up in the hospital, full of tubes and shit. LAME. His roommate is comatose and when the nurse walks in, oh no! It’s Libby! Oh no wait, it was just a dream. If that’s how this series wraps up, heads are gonna roll. The real nurse makes a coma patient joke and I don’t know if it’s inappropriate or not.

Michael arrives at his mother’s doorstop and they argue a bunch. Apparently Walt is not speaking to Michael and they both live in secrecy. Michael’s mom is not happy about raising Walt and I think grandparents in general just make bad parents because they’re tired of doing the family thing. Walt watches him from the window, obviously disgusted.

Michael then goes to pawn Jin’s watch for a gun. I can’t believe that he’s betraying another lostie’s friendship and faith by pawning it. He really does deserve to die. In the alley, just as he’s about to plug himself, a man asks for the time and Michael hides the gun. I don’t really understand the logic behind it but I guess it’s Lost. It turns out to be Mr. Friendly and he wants Michael’s help. However, he doesn’t want to listen and tries several times, in vain, to attack him. Michael just sucks at this. Mr. Friendly seems generally appalled that Michael would weigh his own son down with his guilt and I’m in the same camp. Don’t burden your child with your own demons. Mr. Friendly leaves his contact information and returns the gun.

Back in his apartment, Michael tries to kill himself again but the gun doesn’t fire. And then the news broadcast of Oceanic Flight 815 convinces him to see Mr. Friendly. Apparently at the hotel suite, Mr. Friendly is entertaining a “friend,” Arturo. Is Mr. Friendly gay? I think that’s a weird detail to throw in. He shows evidence that Widmore staged the crash site and I am not sure who is more believable. But I don’t think I really care. Mr. Friendly reveals that Michael is being planted to kill everyone on board the ship. You know, to save all the friends he abandoned before. Cue dramatic music.

We see Michael meeting the crew members Minkowski and Naomi at the port. I don’t really know why they’re being introduced, mostly because it’s really boring. Though, we do see the box he was mailed. Naomi makes ‘fuck me’ eyes at Michael as he boards and he runs into Michael. Miles knows he’s lying but doesn’t care, even offers him an orange. This is the most redeeming scene for Miles’ character that will probably be made. Offering an orange. Michael gets a phone call from Mr. Friendly, making sure Michael follows through by reminding him of the people he has to save on the island.

Out at sea, Frank introduces himself and they start talking. Frank confides that he knows the wreckage is a fake. And I think that makes Michael quite nervous. Back in his room, Michael contemplates the box and his mission. Later, he watches a bunch of hillbillies use HKMP5s to shoot clay pigeons. Where’s the bottle of moonshine you hicks? But this only serves to make Michael even more nervous, and I don’t blame him. Rednecks with guns is not the most secure or comforting idea. Not when you’re stuck with them on the boat you were sent to destroy. They dismiss him as a mere janitor and he looks ready to start kicking ass.

Back in his room, he can still see those yokels as he takes out a metal suitcase from his crate. Once in the engine room, he opens it and reveals (behind a cleverly made façade of fake tools) a bomb. As he is about to arm the bomb, he has a hallucination of Libby who tells her not to do it. Do you think he also feels guilty about Ana-Lucia? Either way, he ignores her and presses execute. After the anti-climactic non-explosion, a compartment opens up and inside is a note that reads “Not Yet.” Oh Ben, you’re such a joker. Tricking people into not really committing mass homicide is good one.

Confused as shit, Michael just plays with a ball (not his balls) in his room and Minkowski comes in and makes a Shining reference then relays that Michael has a call waiting, it’s apparently Walt. I like Minkowski more and more, I mean he plays Hold ‘Em and watches The Shining. Too bad he died traveling through time.

When Michael eagerly picks up the headset, he disappointed to find only Ben on the other line. Honestly, did he really think Walt would’ve figured out where he went and how to reach him? Anyways, Michael is pissed about the joke and Ben is surprised that he went through with it. Ben used it as a mindfuck to show what a good guy he is, not willing to kill innocents to win. When Michael brings up Ana-Lucia and Libby, Ben spits back that it was all Michael’s volition. Good point Ben. And Michael feels like shit again. Good. What Ben really wants is another list of names (what is with the Others’ fascination with lists of names?) and then to disable all the equipment on board the ship. Michael once again agrees to Ben’s plan (I mean, at this point what else is he gonna do?) and thus ends how Michael came to be.

Sayid is less than impressed with this story and so am I. Especially since Michael admits to working with Ben, they’re enemy since forever ago. So Sayid does the rational thing and starts beating the crap out of him and outs the traitor to the captain. He blabs everything about Michael and it seems like the shit is gonna hit the fan.

On the journey to the temple, Rousseau and the others take a break and rest. Karl’s premonition about trouble is assuaged by Alex but then the bullets start flying and he’s shot down. Poor guy, he was so loyal to her. Rousseau and Alex plan to make a run for it but Rousseau gets gunned down too, leaving Alex alone with these snipers that she cannot see. Honestly, I never really liked Rousseau, she was kind of a dirty hippy. Finally, Alex announces that she is Ben’s daughter, probably hoping they won’t kill her. And with that we take a midseason break.

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In Memory of Momofuku Andou

Grab your Soy Sauce and Hello Kitty dolls because this week's episode focuses on the Asians of the island while revealing a bunch of stuff on the boat that we already knew (or figured out).

After a particularly long Previously on Lost…we are treated a mysterious and vague conversation between Frank and seaman. We then meet Regina, who happens to be established stunt artist Zoe Bell, who spent most of her time answering their calls earlier. Frank then talks to Desmond and Sayid, held prisoner in the sickbay; he brings them some food, delicious canned lima beans.

Jin and Sun have a nighttime campfire discussion and Jin practices his engrish. They discuss baby names (he wants a girl named Ji Yeon…so asian) but Sun is quite uneasy about it and would rather focus on getting off the island first. Since it will kill her. On the bright side, I’d like to remind everyone that the island fixed Jin’s broken pee pee.

In our first flash, Sun is packing some Korean toiletries into a bag and then begins applying some make up. She has some sudden pains and calls for an ambulance because she’s preggers.

After the title screen, we see Jin running into a toy store and is looking for a stuffed panda so he can bring it as a gift to the maternity ward. He gets a call on his phone and reaffirms that he is on his way.

Jin is seen taking a nap on the beach and Sun wakes him up because Kate and Jack are back. I don’t see why they should care so much but they go talk to Kate about what happened on her adventure. Kate conveniently mentions every bad thing that the boaties and Juliet did (Charlotte hitting her, Juliet lying about the poison gas, etc) I guess to keep the rest of the losties from trusting these tagalongs because Kate makes it clear that she doesn’t think they will rescue the losties. Which makes me wonder why she cared so much that Miles knew who she was. Whatever.

On the boat, Sayid is getting tired of eating lima beans and they get a note, supposedly from Ben’s man on the boat. It reads ‘Don’t trust the Captain’ and this is like the third warning they’ve gotten about him in this episode.

Dan is futzing with the iphone and Sun introduces herself slash opens with her being preggers so she can bluntly follow up with a question about the boaties’ intentions. Dan awkwardly deflects blame by claiming the decision is not up to him and she storms off.

At the pantry/kitchen/dinner table/whatever, Jin practices his English on Jack by asking for the cereal. I wonder what kind of cereal it is, probably shitty corn flakes. Jin makes a reference to Sawyer trying to teach him English, claiming Sun is better at it. When Sun returns, Jack asks some doctor-y questions and then takes his leave. This is when Sun announces she wants to go to Locke’s camp.

She is then raiding Juliet’s camp for the pre-natal vitamins where she is caught red-handed. When she tells Juliet that they plan to go to Locke’s camp, Juliet makes several arguments against it. Sun doesn’t trust her though, which I guess implies that she does trust Locke (which, in my opinion, is the stupidest thing ever. She’s asian, I thought she’s supposed to be a little brighter than, say, Kate).

Sun is wheeled into the hospital and the nurses are excited because she is one of the Oceanic Six. Mildly delirious, Sun makes a big deal about removing her ring. A Dr. Bae comes in, covering for her own (who is out at a conference) and she keeps asking for Jin as the pain medication is pumped into her veins.

Meanwhile in classic sit-com situation, Jin is rushing to the hospital. He grabs a taxi and puts in his bear when his shitty cell phone rings. As he’s answering it, someone else swoops in and takes his cab—along with the bear. Then a moped runs over his phone and he screams angry threats. Three things immediately jump to mind, which ruin the twist for the clever, are nice details that the writers included. They are: 1. Jin’s cell phone is shitty and old 2. Jin is super aggressive and self important 3. while no one recognizes him as a member of the Oceanic Six (even though the nurses recognized Sun). This draws one to the early conclusion that while Sun is obviously in a flash forward, Jin is in a flashback. You writers were being tricky, but sometimes viewers are quicker than you think. Anyways, Jin of course goes back into the store to buy another panda. Though the clerk says they are sold out, Jin sees one that has been put on hold. He offers all of his money for it, like 10 times the retail price. The clerk reluctantly gives in and he rushes off again. If this entire situation wasn’t taken directly from like an episode of I Dream of Jeanie or Three’s Company or something, I’ll be very surprised.

Kate draws the Asians a map on how to get to the barracks and they share a hug. Kate claims she has to tell Jack but will give a headstart. Juliet shows up and tries to ruin the party. Though Sun refuses to translate, Juliet keeps saying that Sun is in danger. Finally, Juliet brings out the big guns and tells Jin about Sun’s affair. Jin is emotionally wounded but composes himself in asian stoicism (actually, I thought this one moment was some of the best acting I have seen on Lost, conveying several different emotions from all three actors without any actual dialog) as Sun bitch slaps the shit out of Juliet. I’d’ve done the same. By the way, while I feel completely comfortable saying ‘I’d’ve’, writing it looks like a complete disaster. Strunk and White are probably rolling around in their graves. Well, they would be if roflcopters and lollerskaters weren’t already defecating all over the site.

Jin has returned to the beach, packing his fishing gear and Sun tries to talk to him but he can’t even bear to look at her. Bernard comes up and asks to come fishing, until he realizes he has come in the middle of a very awkward situation, what with Sun in tears and all. But Jin asks him to come anyways, because I guess he needs a friend right now and he doesn’t really have too many.

On the boat, Bernard tries to relate to him by mentioning that they are the only two married guys on the island. Followed by an awkwardly hilarious moment where Bernard makes sure Jin understands that they aren’t gay and aren’t married to each other. He may not speak English, but he’s not an idiot Bernard. It’s not like suddenly he’ll think he’s married to you, you homophobe. Bernard opens up a little and mentions Rose’s cancer to Jin and how to island cured her. He relates on how Rose decided to stay with Jack, because Locke is a murderer (so true) and how Bernard will stand by her and a discussion of karma is interrupted by them catching a nice fish. Jin looks like he realizes he was being irrational.

On the Kahana, Desmond is pacing around like a hamster as the tapping is driving him nuts. Sayid suspects someone, and not something, is making that noise when the doc brings them up to the deck. The helicopter is gone and Sayid is asking 20 questions but that falls to the background as Desmond watches Zoe Bell, tied in chains, decide to jump over the side of the boat. While the losties panic and want to save her, the captain comes out and orders everyone to stand down. It’s too bad, because I think I would’ve liked if Zoe had a more substantial role on the show (even though I have said, numerous times, I hate new characters). The captain justifies his inaction by keeping the rest of his crew alive, since he claims that many of them are suffering from heightened cabin fever. He blames it on the proximity of the island and also reveals that someone (obviously Ben’s man) has been sabotaging the engines so they cannot move to ‘safer waters.’ When Sayid asks if the boat will rescue them, the captain passes the buck along even further. He then reveals that the boat is Charles Widmore’s (even though we already knew that) and that they were told about Desmond too.

In his office, the captain shows a black box from ‘Oceanic 815’ and explains both the giant staged wreckage and that Widmore wants to confront Ben about all those unnamed corpses.

Juliet continues to try to convince Sun that staying with Locke is the wrong move. She details the symptoms and I guess Sun is won over by her.

In the hospital, the doctor wants to perform a C-section but Sun wants to wait for Jin. In fact, she calls out to a stranger thinking it is Jin. He must think she is crazy. The nurse says the baby is crowning and in a few seconds out comes a slimy and hairy baby girl. The mother and daughter share a moment.

Back on the boat now, the doctor leads Sayid and Desmond to their new room, on ‘the quiet part’ of the ship. He also alludes that it may be moving despite popular belief. In the room, not only do bugs crawl around but a blood stain reminiscent of a suicidal gunshot (ala Radzinski) is still present. The doc calls for the janitor to clean it up, who turns out to be Michael (what a shock!!!!!! Oh my god (n64 for those using itap)! ), going under the alias Kevin Johnson. Sayid and Desmond keep up the charade as the ‘shocking twist’ music swells.

Sun is making her bed and Jin comes, with dinner as a sort of peace offering. They reconcile, Jin explaining that he understands who he was blah blah blah. He’s willing to go to Locke’s camp (which seems weird, since the pep talk with Bernard reinforced the idea that LOCKE IS A MURDERER) but Sun has come to her senses and will stay on the beach. She also reconfirms that the baby is Jin’s (because the island fixed his wang) and they tear up together.

Jin is then seen rushing into the maternity ward where it is revealed he is bringing the panda to the Chinese ambassador (hence why as a Panda, it is very important) as a representative for Paik Automotive. As if to drive the point home, a little explicating dialog with a nurse reveals that he has only been married for 2 months in this scene.

Sun is once again applying make up and then puts on her ring (apparently, the name on the bag isn’t hers though—jewelry thief!). The door rings and it’s Hurley come to visit! He asks if anyone is coming and when Sun says no, he kind of makes a sleazy sounding ‘good’ while looking a little like Ron Jeremy. Well, I guess it’s good that Kate didn’t come…she’d probably try to steal little Ji Yeon. Baby snatching bitch. Hurley mentions that she really looks like Jin (I guess implying that they are both asian) and then Hurley suggests visiting him.

They go to the cemetery and Sun talks to Jin, revealing she named their daughter just as he wanted and how she misses him. It only reminds me of how when I was young, my mom always brought me to the cemetery to visit my dad. I sat there for a moment, being silent like a good child until my mom excused me. I would run off in the open grass while I guess my mom grieved. I understood that my father was dead, I just don’t think I ever appreciated those visits since I don’t actually remember him (since he died when I was one) and also that I was a little kid. I guess I am saying, I hope this baby doesn’t end up as fucked up as I am. And also I kinda want to go visit him right now. I have not been there since probably around when I left Santa Barbara the first time, in second grade. I don’t think my mom has either. And now it makes me sad.

On that note,

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Art School Dropout

I know this is way past overdue but I've been really busy and I'm just waiting for summer when we can get things going in full force. Anyways in last week's episode of Lost (season 4, episode 6) not a whole lot happened.

We open to Juliet playing with a miniature zen rock garden in a therapist’s office. Her hair looks horrible, I don’t know what they were thinking. The therapist arrives and it turns out to Rachel Ray (maybe she could show Locke how to make a real breakfast). Juliet obviously is here because, as a new Other, she has adjustment issues; she doesn’t exactly want to be here. The session is cut short because Ben sent Tom to fetch her. Tom has daddy issues, and I am not that surprised.

When Juliet meets with Ben, he shows her the fully furnished house she has received. Why does she need a two bedroom? It’s not like she rent out one of them to someone else or be expecting a lot of overnight guests. Is her family gonna drop in unexpectedly? Anyways, when she makes a remark about only being here for 6 months, Ben kinda ignores it, because obviously he plans to keep her for good. Creep.

Back in the present, her housing situation is juxtaposed with her trying to erect a makeshift shelter on the beach. Wow, nice touch guys. Sun gives her a hand in putting it up and Jack asks about Dan and Charlotte. Jin says he watched them go into the jungle and when Jack asks why no one told him, Jin and Sun were like ‘aren’t they friends?’ And Jack and Juliet just kind of run off with out answering them. In Scooby style, the two split up and when Juliet is in the middle of the rainy jungle, the old backwards whispers appear again and then suddenly Rachel Ray appears!

Rachel Ray tells Juliet that Ben knows that Dan and Charlotte are headed to ‘The Tempest’ where there is some gas. I am assuming it’s the gas that the Others first used to rout the Dharma people. Jack comes and Rachel is not that intimidated. She makes a sassy remark that he might as well go too, the whispers start, and she vanishes.

Juliet is crying in the lab, I guess because she’s a girl. Then, a noise startles her and Goodwin is raiding the medical supply station. She treats an ‘electrical burn’ and we learn she blames herself for pregnant ladies are dying. Juliet reveals she hates the therapist and Goodwin reveals she’s his wife. Awkward. He also starts hitting on Juliet. I don’t know why Goodwin was lying about his chemical burn and, since he’s dead, doubt it will come up again.

In the rain, Jack and Juliet head to ‘The Tempest’ which is an electrical station. Jack keeps asking questions and Juliet just replies that “what [she] needs is for [him] to help [her].” Ugh, just awful.

I guess the rain stopped and night ended because Dan and Charlotte are squatting over a map, in the sunlight, trying to figure out how to get to the Tempest. Kate stumbles upon them, and Charlotte pulls out her gun on her. Dan tries to calm everyone down again, since he wants to bang Kate. Kate fills them in on Miles’ situation, though she says they are treating him fine. Even though there is a grenade in his mouth. When Kate wants to know why they are out in jungle, Charlotte lies about a dead iphone. Kate sees it, turned on, poking out the pack and tries to call their bluff. Charlotte then pistol whips out cold and acts pretty nonchalant about it. Dan looks sad because it probably hurts his chances of sleeping with Kate. And while I hate these new characters, I think it was pretty badass how Charlotte knocked her out.

Juliet tells Jack about Rachel and she just says that it’s stressful being an Other. When Jack digs for more details and Juliet wants to be all secretive, he pulls the big ‘you’ve read my entire life story’ card on her and she just keeps walking. What a bitch.

Juliet is looking into a microscope and Ben is creepily staring at her while they discuss fake science about why women can’t give birth here. Goodwin crashes the party, and she visibly lightens up and Ben looks less than ecstatic about it. Because they are having an affair. In therapy, Rachel asks about Ben and she makes a comment about Juliet looking like ‘her’ which I guess means that one girl from dharma. Then she just cuts to the chase and wants the details about the affair. Juliet tries to keep up the lie but Rachel Ray voyeuristically followed and watched them do it. Creepy. She reveals that Ben will hurt Goodwin should he find out.

Locke has his hands buried in cutting up a rabbit which is a little creepy. Claire comes up to him and wants to talk to Miles. Since there’s a grenade in his mouth, Locke doesn’t want to let her see him. She makes some very logical points, which seems pretty rare on this show. But Locke brings us back to irrational and tries to use Charlie’s death as a way to get her on tilt. But she holds strong and he just storms off. When Locke brings Ben the number, he asks if there was a number on it and I found that hilarious. Locke doesn’t understand and Ben just moves on to undermining his confidence again. Talks of the 5 people revolting against him since he ‘doesn’t have a plan.’ Whatever. When Locke reveals he knows about the deal with Miles, Ben looks shocked. Locke sassily gives him a dollar to contribute to the 3.2 million goal. When Ben finally tries to strike an alliance with Locke, against the common enemy, Locke seems to start listening to him. But to convince him, Ben has to ‘show [him].’ Which, since I am 13, found hilarious also.

Juliet and Goodwin are enjoying a little private beach action and having a picnic. Her hair looks much better all wet than back in the lab. Goodwin’s been sleeping on the couch for a year? Don’t they have two bedrooms too? Jesus. And though Ben is like their de facto leader, everyone seems to be making fun of his little puppy dog crush on Juliet. Like I dunno, were people people making fun of Eva Braun back in Germany? Did I just break Godwin’s law? Dammit.

When the Others watch the plane crash, we see Ben send the spies out again, except this time Juliet and Rachel watch Goodwin march to his death as per ordered. Not that big a reveal.

In pursuit of the boaties, Jack and Juliet find the pistol whipped Kate, on the ground and bleeding. As Jack tries to comfort Kate, Juliet watches uncomfortably since they want to bang. Juliet leaves and Kate explains what happened, including the gas mask reveal. Which Jack should remember from before. Jack calls for Juliet but I guess she ran off ahead, solo.

Locke is escorting Ben into his house, though he’s still bound. Locke makes another remark about being shot in the back and Ben is just unphased. Ben makes the good point that his people deserted him and then shows Locke all the information he has is in his safe. Which happens to be a Red Sox tape. They pop in the vhs, which he taped over, and we see an unsteady, shot of Charles Widmore killing an Other. And while it’s evidence of a big conspiracy to viewers, I fail to see how it is proof that Ben is telling the truth. Locke doesn’t know anything about Charles Widmore or anything related to that. Ben could say his same monologue about someone wanting to exploit the island and it’d be about the same. And I also don’t know why Locke doesn’t realize that when an island can fix the paralyzed, people would want to exploit it. At least Ben also has some files about him I guess. Locke finally wants to know who the man on the boat is, and though they build up the suspense, anyone who looks at the starring credits can figure it out. You’re not as clever as you think guys!

Kate reveals that she had to talk to Miles about who knows she’s a fugitive. Not that big a deal, Jack would’ve understood. And he does. Partially because he wants to bang her. Another kind of inconsequential scene.

Juliet reaches the Tempest and finds that the lock his been jimmied open. Because I kind of like etymology (I know, geeky) I just checked and I guess the verb to jimmy comes from a term for a crowbar. I didn’t know that. And now I do. While this scene is also kind of pointless, I mean anyone can figure they are gonna have to bust the lock to get into the tempest, at least there’s a gun.

Ben gets the door for Juliet as they get ready for a 2 person dinner party. Awkward. Not that I am one to giving dating advice (since I am like socially retarded), but don’t ask someone out by using false pretenses. Also are they gonna eat a whole ham? Juliet wants Goodwin to come home but Ben just lies and tries to make it seem like Goodwin and Ana-Lucia are doing it. I don’t think anyone bought it.

In the tempest, the alarms are going off saying that unauthorized overrides are being performed. This is the shittiest alarm system ever. Instead of just announcing that unauthorized overrides are happening, why not just prevent it from happening. When Juliet confronts Dan, in full safety garb, he reveals that he’s trying to make the gas inert and not release it. Then Charlotte comes in, swinging a metal pipe. Damn, for an anthropologist, she has a violent streak. Moreso than Naomi, that’s for sure. And at the last second, instead of releasing the gas, Dan basically destroys it. I don’t really understand it at all and don’t really care. It wasn’t that interesting.

In the lab, Juliet is reading about Jack. Ben seems unimpressed that the spinal surgeon has landed especially since he called it fate when Jack was a captive. But I guess Ben just wants to gloat as he shows Juliet the gross dead body of Goodwin. What a bastard. He also calls Juliet property. There’s just way too much sexual drama going on here. It’s like high school.

As Juliet and Charlotte leave, Jack and Kate find them and Kate is, understandably, still pissed at being knocked around. Juliet and Jack then share a moment, first sharing that Ben is still in control of everything, and second to make out. Which was completely unnecessary.

Finally, we get some Hurley and Sawyer scenes, watching Hurley just kick ass at horseshoes. They see Ben, walking about all free and they don’t look happy. Whatever.

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Science ain't an exact science with these clowns but they're getting better

Sometimes it's hard to balance a show with a huge ensemble cast. So how do you deal with it? Well, as this week's episode of Lost showed us, you just ignore all of the actors except for two. Kudos to those who recognize the title.

We open to a shot of Desmond’s favorite photograph, of him and Penelope. He, Sayid, and Frank are flying the helicopter back to the boat and Frank is doing exactly what Dan told him (follow the course back exactly). Even though it means flying the helicopter through a storm. Sayid is, with good reason, quite confused why they would do such a stupid thing; possibly because he doesn’t want to have to fix the damn helicopter. Again. When Sayid sees the photo, he asks Desmond if that’s his girlfriend. The one not on the boat. When Desmond confirms, Sayid asks what he’s looking for. Desmond’s reply of “answers” is pretty much what every audience member is looking for, and let me tell you, this episode will not be providing any of those. The turbulence is pretty rough and we are treated a shot of Frank struggling with the controls, which only reminds me of a scene from MST3k: The Movie (riffing This Island Earth). “Uhh, should we be seeing this?” This just reminds me that another fun endeavor for this blog would be to record a commentary track to watch along with an episode. What do you think guys?

Suddenly, a clean cut Desmond wakes up in a military camp and is quite disoriented. When his drill sergeant wants to know what’s his problem, Desmond can only vaguely recall what’s been happening in the present as some dream with a helicopter. So unlike his other time traveling flashes, this time he thinks he’s living in the past. And Lost has officially crossed the line from toying with time travel to trying to incorporate it fully. While doing some army exercises slash punishments, he blacks out.

We cut to the present and Desmond, once again, looks disoriented and freaks out. He tries to get out of his seat and when Sayid tries to calm him down, Desmond just looks at him and screams “Who are you? How do you know my name?” So Desmond has ‘left the island’ in more than one sense.

Everyone on the beach is still kind of freaked out since the helicopter has not landed on the boat yet. When Juliet calls out Charlotte on not being worried about them, Charlotte sasses her back with a quip about whispering prayers. But Dan spills the beans about the island and weird changes in perception of time. So he doesn’t really explain anything, he just hopes Frank followed the same trajectory. I still don’t get how this works and am sure there will never be an adequate answer, even in pseudo-science explanations.

Desmond is still flipping a shit and Sayid has to practically strangle him to keep him from messing the helicopter up. I knew they shouldn’t have put crazy time traveling Desmond as the co-pilot. When they land, Sayid takes a gun and some characters on the boat, whose names I did not bother to learn, basically take Desmond to the sick bay (because he’s still freaking the fuck out) and treat him like a loon (well, he’s kinda acting One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I guess). Sayid doesn’t want to let him out of his sight but even he is outnumbered.

Jump back into the rainy army days and his drill sergeant is still riding his ass because he’s acting pretty crazy. When his friend tries to ask him what’s going on, he just rants about how he’s jumping through time, ending up on the boat. When he remembers he was looking at a photo of Penny, he has the genius realization that he should call her. Because obviously that will help.

After dropping some change, he jumps back onto the boat, still confused. When locked into the sickbay, he starts screaming until another patient calls out to him. He’s suffering the same thing and the annoying lost music swells.

Sayid watches as Frank talks to that one guy. Sayid makes the astute observation that they left at dusk and landed in midday but as someone who should’ve been watching out the window, I feel like he should have some idea of what was going on. Or at least be more freaked out about it. Sayid trades his gun for use of the iPhone, and Frank makes a racist remark about calling Baghdad. Why the fuck did Sayid take that gun in the first place, then? Just a reminder than the writers of Lost never fucking learned Chekhov’s gun. Anyways, Sayid calls Jack and explains that Desmond freaked out, forgot where he is, and is in the sickbay. When Jack asks about these island ‘side effects,’ Dan asks about electromagnetic radiation exposure. This is, in my opinion, another poorly designed device to reveal that The Swan’s explosion was more than them getting rid of that set. At the same time, I don’t know why Jack looks so confused, as if he forgot that part of the island fucking exploded slash we saw Desmond all naked. Why didn’t the naked thing or the time traveling thing happen to Charlie or Locke? Anyways, Dan tries to explain the ‘side effects’ and Juliet tries to trivially compare it to amnesia, but he shoots it down. I hate oversimplified tv analogies, like those common on Star Trek, so good for you Dan.

The other patient in the sick ward, who is restrained, blacks out for a spell and, when he comes to, reveals he was riding a ferris wheel. The doctor comes in and gives him a shot of some mysterious serum but he claims nothing can stop these ‘happenings.’ Though Desmond is still freaked out, the doctor tries very hard to appear non-threatening and gives him an eye exam.

Except that this, of course, induces a time jump. Back in the past, I’ve decided that Desmond’s beret is sweet and that I want one. I should start wearing hats again. Also, he calls Penny in a phone booth (why aren’t there more phone booths around, actual glass booths with doors etc.). Penny is trying to move on with her life, but like classic ex-boyfriend style, he keeps calling and harassing her. Sound familiar?

Snapping back into the present, Desmond is still in the middle of his eye exam and weirds out the doctor. Suddenly, Frank and Sayid bust in and Sayid exerts what is probably more than necessary force to shove the doctor against the wall but not before he trips an alarm. Frank gives Desmond the iPhone so he can talk to Dan. If Dan thinks he such an expert in this field, how come he’s not helping that other guy who is strapped down in there. Anyways, after Desmond reveals he thinks it’s 1996, Dan wants him to go find 1996 Dan and gives him secret information to convince ’96 Dan. Even badass Sayid cannot keep the door closed any longer though and the iPhone is ripped from Desmond’s hand. That’s okay though, it syncs up very well with his next leap into the past.

For someone in the army, he has an easy time leaving and going to Oxford to find ’96 Dan, who happens to have long hippy hair. A professor at Oxford, Dan seems to be giving a student advice but I’m sure it’s no Dead Poets Society. Though skeptical of him at first, after Desmond reveals that ‘[he] knows about Eloise,’ Dan realizes it is truth. Except Desmond doesn’t really know about Eloise, he just knows a name. But Dan takes Desmond to his secret lab anyways. Past Dan tries to make sense of the time stream but Desmond just says no. Because the writers don’t really need to explain anything, right?

Dan dawns a vest (to protect him from long term exposure to radiation) and Desmond makes the astute comment about protecting his head. Dan kind of shrugs it off because it has been my experience that the more serious you take your research the less safety precautions you follow through on. No one in my lab wears safety goggles or gloves. Lab coats just sit on the racks. I’m pretty sure that most nobel prize winners mix chemicals in their mouths.

Anyways, Dan reveals that Eloise is a mouse that, with Desmond’s information, will become unstuck in time. And suddenly I just feel like the writers have been ripping off Slaughterhouse Five. Eloise runs the maze in incredible time because she learned how to do it in the future. Or something. I still don’t get what would happen if Eloise went back in time, how can he test it? Or something.

Alarms ring and Desmond is back on the boat. Sayid has his fists cocked, ready to take down these bitches but Frank just says that Dan wanted to talk to Desmond and then everyone is like ‘let’s go talk to the boss’ and then leave slash lock the losties in there. When crazy other time traveler realizes who Desmond is, he reveals Penelope has been calling the boat. A lot. She had her own private line. Which they always ignored.

Desmond wakes up back in Dan’s lab and he makes some stuff up about why things are happening and also writes some fake science (for example, his Schrodinger Equation lacks the Hamiltonian operator) for some reason. Desmond sees that Eloise has died but Dan has yet to do an autopsy. Because apparently Dan is a physicist slash veterinary forensic scientist. When Dan reveals that the strain of jumping back and forth probably caused an aneurism, Desmond realizes that he may die too. And I am reminded of Flowers for Algernon (or Charly for those who saw the movie). I mean sure, Desmond isn’t any smarter, but he’s worried about ending up like Eloise. Dan explains that everyone needs a ‘constant,’ something the same in both time frames. I don’t see how that helps him realize where he is because that would probably only confuse a time traveler more. Either way, Desmond decides Penny needs to be his girlfriend, but she changed her number. So he runs down the stairwell; well, halfway, until he falls over and ends up back in the present.

Desmond sees his reflection and realizes he is old. But I mean, that happens to me too. I still have to take some time and realize that I am not 13 anymore. In the present too, Desmond wants to call Penny except all the communications equipment broke. Crazy Joe will take them to the room and points out that the door has been unlocked for them, ala the Duex Ex Machina that is Ben’s man on the boat (which Crazy Joe seems to realize). Desmond worries about Crazy Joe’s nosebleed, realizing it foreshadows his own fate. Oh no, pack some tissues!

When he wakes up in the stairwell, Desmond continues his journey to find Penny. This, of course, leads to an auction for a diary from The Black Rock being sold by Tovard Hanso which is won by Charles Widmore. So apparently things are supposed to all tie together. Oooh, spooky. Though Mr. Widmore, quite clearly, hates Desmond, he thinks the greater insult is for Penny to say the same thing slash make Desmond watch him pee. Sometimes I feel like the last person who thinks going to the bathroom needs to be a private affair. So he gives Desmond the address and leaves. What a prick, he didn’t even turn off the sink. And of course our narcoleptic, time traveling, protagonist loses consciousness in this time. If he gives himself a concussion in the past by falling over, will Desmond’s future self remember the consequences?

Crazy Joe babbles on some more about how time traveling will get worse and when they make it to the communications room, he dies a sudden death, mid-sentence. I imagine watching how you are gonna die must be traumatic. Sayid needs only one minute to fix all of this equipment because he is a genius. Desmond sees a calendar and now realizes he’s in the ‘future’ of 2004. As he gets a nosebleed (seriously, didn’t you mom tell you not to pick your nose, Desmond?), Crazy Joe dies part 2, this time in a violent rambling seizure sorta way. If I were Desmond, I’d be pretty freaked too.

Desmond wakes up in the bathroom in the past, the sink flooded and dripping on him. I don’t remember anyone clogging the drain beforehand and you’d think there’d be a janitor in a nice auction house like that but who knows. He goes to find Penny and they have a long chat about feeling for each other and believing in each other and stuff. All very cliché stuff. Cutting to the chase, she gives him her number and he repeats it to himself as she shoves him out the door.

Desmond remembers the number and just in time, as Sayid has fixed the entire communications system on the boat. While we wait for Penny to answer the phone, we’re treated to a shot of past Desmond walking away. As she answers the phone, it becomes apparent that somehow things have corrected themselves and each Desmond remembers everything they should. Because this makes sense. Penny mentions Charlie and I get kinda sad because I miss that little hobbit. As the phone dies, they exchange all sorts of heartfelt emotions but it’s okay because Sayid saved Desmond’s life. Because Sayid is the Jack Bauer of Lost.

Finally, Dan is going over his notebook on the beach, where he reads a note he left himself. “If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be MY constant.” The music swells and I find the final note less revealing or cryptic than it was probably intended. And, like after watching an erotic thriller, I finish feeling unsatisfied.

LOST

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Part of a Balanced Breakfast

This week in Lost, season 4, episode 4, Chef Locke tries to serve up several delicious meals, only to have his story constantly interrupted by Kate whining about going to jail.

Ooooh, the infamous opening shot of a character’s eye, how classic Lost. As the camera reveals Locke, in Ben’s old hospital bed, he gets up and moves into the kitchen. So apparently, this week’s episode of Lost is dharma sponsored 30 minute meals, as we watch Locke make eggs and cantaloupe in a cooking montage that is way too elaborate for such a Spartan meal. Two fried eggs, some melon, and a book; a meal befitting a prisoner. Oh wait, they already did this scene back when Ben was still known as Henry Gale.

When Ben asks why Locke moved him, and Locke replies “I wanted you under my own roof,” you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. Then when Locke wants information about Ben and his secret agent, Ben once again uses his psychological warfare skillz and mocks Locke for being “more lost than [he ever was].” At least Ben makes a nod to the fact that the writers have seemingly reused every scene they ever wrote for this season. As Locke leaves with Ben’s food, even though he’s clearly not done eating, he smashes the plate against the wall. Ben sassily smiles because he knows he’s getting to the crazy bald man. Not like it’s that hard.

As Kate watches Locke storm away, she is curious about the conversation but Claire just kind of shrugs it off as Locke always being crazy. Sawyer comes up and starts some idle chit chat, and Claire takes her cue to go so the two can go bang. Except not really; more just be all ‘I wanna bang but we also have to keep this sexual frustration triangle going.’ Sawyer offers Kate some clothes that he thinks will fit her, and I feel like anyone as world weary as Sawyer should know that picking clothes for women is like navigating a minefield. Not something to do. When Sawyer wants to know why Kate is at the barracks, since they’re not gonna bang, Kate quickly cuts to the chase and calls Sawyer untrustworthy. Not to be left in the dust, Sawyer fires back with the pregnancy and takes his leave. If every time a character watched another walk away, with a longing, ‘I wanna bang you’ kind of stare, and I had to take a drink, I’m not sure my liver would survive the season.

This week’s flashforward (and obviously it’s a flashforward) is apparently about Kate. She’s a double celebrity, being one of the Oceanic Six and a felon beforehand and we are about to be subjected to her court hearing. She hates all the attention and when she asks “if there’s a back entrance” into the court, like a 7th grade kid, I immediately jump to the anal sex jokes. I’ll let you make your own. Watching the court scene just makes me wish I was watching Law and Order. I bet Jack McCoy would get her off with just one objection. Except I guess he’d be prosecuting this case. Anyways, she’s remanded without bail because, even though she’s kind of a celebrity, she’s clearly a flight risk. I mean, she fled to Australia once already. Which makes me curious about US-Australia extradition policies. But not enough to bring up wikipedia. Cuffs are slapped on her, once again, and we cut to the eerie Lost opening screen.

Back on the island, Jin reads funny American names off a map. Haha, foreigners. He and Sun are trying to find a place to raise their baby, since Jin pretty much cannot handle being his father-law’s enforcer anymore. I mean, it’s why he’s learned Engrish so good. But Sun insists that they go back to Korea, I don’t know why. I got the fuck out of there. She says, in Korean, “she wants to raise [her] baby at home,” and then Jin corrects her, “you mean our baby.” Before she can awkwardly respond about how the island may not have fixed Jin’s pee-pee and that she banged some other dude, Jack interrupts and brings the boaties with him, informing that Kate switched teams.

When Kate goes to talk to Locke, he’s washing the blood off his hands. Chicken blood, or so he claims. She wants to talk to Miles, but Locke refuses the request. Locke then claims he is not leading a democracy, he calls the shots. When Kate calls him a dictator, he gets kinda defensive and claims he would’ve shot her. But I mean, he’s not bound by any set laws nor is he concerned with the consent of the like 5 people with him, so he kind of is (Who is following him? Sawyer, Hurley, Claire, Rousseau, Alex, Karl, and his prisoners?).

Kate then tricks Hurley tricks into revealing where Miles is hidden and when he realizes he’s been “Scooby-Doo”-ed, even Kate can’t help but feel bad for tricking him. I really want to bring that term into popular use, by the way. So let’s all do our part. She promises not let Miles go and not to rat Hurley out. Poor guy, he was just bringing the vacuum salesman a sandwich.

Kate clearly wants to know if the boaties knows she a fugitive and when Miles makes the offer of trading everything he knows for a minute with Kate, it seems quite apparent that either a) they know or b) he is using her. Either way, she won’t be happy with the answer. Why not try and play weak minded Dan? Or get Frank drunk? Geez Kate, you’re a fugitive, one would think you’re a little more clever.

In jail, Kate is sporting that orange jumpsuit and goes to meeting with her lawyer. He obviously feels like he’s gonna lose and wants Kate to agree to a deal—15 year sentence, her serving 7. 7 years for her rap sheet? Honestly, that’s a pretty good deal. But she refuses to go to jail and her lawyer brings up that her mom is stabbing her in the back and testifying. Her lawyer changes strategies by wanting to make this a character battle. And wants to bring a certain someone into the courtroom. But Kate refuses to use her son in such a cheap way. Ooooh, Kate has a son.

Dan and Charlotte check out the losties’ pantry and Jack seems to keep getting a busy signal on the iPhone. Juliet has the wonderful idea of calling 911, because calling when they answer and Jack says ‘Hey, we’re on some island somewhere, come rescue us!’ that’ll really help the situation. Sun is concerned that they can’t contact the boat or hear from Sayid and paranoia makes her question Jack’s judgement. And bring up the sore spot of Kate. Jack looks visibly concerned.

Claire and Kate hang sheets to dry, since they’ve been at the barracks for the long time of one night. Also I am pretty sure there are more sheets than people there. Aaron gets fussy and Claire asks Kate to soothe him, but I don’t exactly get why, since Kate is just as entangled in sheets as Claire. Poor execution of showing that Kate feels awkward around children on the island yet super defensive back in jail. Slash I cannot get the image of goth Claire back in Australia when she put her mom in coma. And now she’s a mom. I think it just weirds me out because all these NYU hipsters will probably be doing the same thing. Weird.

In court, Kate’s lawyer apologizes for bringing ‘him’ in. And when Jack comes in, I think it is only fair to assume that Jack is the child of Kate’s that the lawyer referred to earlier. Maybe not, but it’s still kinda funny. When put on the witness stand, we see Jack commit major perjury, making up a completely false story about what happened on the island (yet, strangely, he is still extremely vague; as per Lost writers’ style). Jack clearly paints Kate as some sort of super hero. Kate suddenly cannot take all the lies anymore and stops the character examination. When cross-examined by the DA, she simply asks Jack if he loves Kate. The lawyer makes that classic tv court room objection scream while still trying to stand but gets shot down so Jack lies again and says “no, not anymore.” We get another shot of Kate looking mournful.

Roomies Hurley and Sawyer are debating how to spend their Saturday night, Hurley wanting to watch one of their two movies and Sawyer trying to read. As I stated before, there are like six people following Locke and I am pretty sure there are way more than six houses. So why are people rooming together? Kate comes over to join the party Hurley gives Sawyer that sly ‘you’re gonna hang a sock on the knob, huh?’ wink but Sawyer purposefully just draws attention to him. Sawyer brings Kate into the kitchen to share a glass of classy dharma brand box wine, unrefridgerated boxed wine. Sawyer wants to the chase and get to what Kate wants Sawyer to do. She reveals the she wants to bust Ben out, as the dramatic music swells. Honestly, I find the soundtrack more distracting than anything else.

Sawyer then shows up at Locke’s house with a backgammon board, an obvious distraction. As they’re playing, Locke opens up a little to Ben, confessing he’s worried about people regretting following him. But Sawyer assures him they are all sheep. Except Kate. So Sawyer is obviously setting up the double blind con. He sells her out, sorta, so Locke gets all worked up and follows the wrong trail. Meanwhile she has time to bang Ben or do whatever she wants to and then Locke then trusts Sawyer even more. Sawyer is an expert con man, I would expect nothing less. See! They run to the boat house where Miles was held, only to find it empty and we see Sawyer exclaim a half hearted ‘son of a bitch’ and mock surprise.

Meanwhile Kate brings Miles to talk to Ben for exactly one minute. In this one minute conversation, he reveals zero details but does claim he wants 3.2 million dollars in exchange for lying about Ben and faking his death. Blackmail, extortion, these are trivial details. Ben is quickly becoming the voice of the audience, all sassy and asking why Miles wants 3.2 million and not some other number. Miles will ‘take care of Charlotte’ but gives Ben only 2 days (which he gets extended to a week) for the money. Kate pulls him away, and Miles rattles off a bunch of details off her rap sheep. Obviously. Miles’ brilliant suggestion is for her to stay on the island before Locke and Sawyer catch them. Locke threatens Kate with a gun and demands she go back to her house.

Back in her house, Claire and Kate make idle chit-chat before Locke storms in and demands to know about the Miles-Ben conversation. She spills the beans in friendly fashion, but dictator baldy is still all in a huff about her ignoring him. He then banishes her from the camp and I almost wish he branded her with a scarlet letter, Hester Pryne style. I’m pretty sure we could make up a legit sin for any letter.

Kate’s mom (slash Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s mom slash there are way too many people on IMDB who are way too into the porn this actress has done) comes to visit Kate. But Kate is quite standoff-ish, since, as Kate explains, her mom sold her out to the feds. The whole teary-eyed, ‘I thought you were dead’ speech may work on Kate but it does nothing to soften me. But wait, Kate’s steely resolve holds strong, as she simply tells her not to testify. And has the balls to tell her mom to stay the fuck away from her son. Go Kate.

In the barracks, Kate sultrily comes into Sawyer’s room for some ‘I’m getting evicted’ sex. Sawyer ‘unbanishes’ her and though the mood is slightly killed by sounds of Hurley versus the plumbing, they still keep up that whole sexual tension thing.

Charlotte plays some sort of memory game with Dan. He can remember two out of three cards and I hate how a new thread is being set up. Bah. Jack then comes up to the two of them, complaining that his calls are being screened. Honestly, if you kept calling me, I’d screen your calls too Jack. But to get him off their backs, Charlotte reveals the second number and calls Regina. It’s here that it’s revealed the helicopter never made it to the boat, as spooky music swells (slash kills the mood).

The next morning, Locke comes to visit Miles back in the boat house, now completely tied up. Locke explains that he will make Miles tell him everything he wants to know while shoving a live grenade in his mouth. Miles has to keep biting down on the trigger so he doesn’t die. Damn, that’s a move straight out of Jack Bauer’s playbook. Locke then leaves. He may be crazy, but at least he’s a badass, who sassily tells Miles to ‘enjoy [his] breakfast.’

Kate wakes Sawyer up with some sexy kissings and he explicates that he’s ‘okay’ with not going all the way last night. Kate pushes him off though and when Sawyer once again brings up pregnancy, she gets pretty defensive slash denies it. Sawyer looks relieved and Kate takes it as an affront. Sawyer tells it like it is, an excuse to leave, but she ignores it. Suddenly, I am respecting him a little more, even if he makes Kate slap him.

In court, the DA is seemingly having some trouble continue trial, since Kate’s mom is claiming medical reasons for not testifying. The two lawyers go to talk to deals and though Kate is a little quick to jump the gun, since now her lawyer thinks he can get her out, but still doesn’t have to serve jail time. And she wants to walk out the back door again. And my 7th grade humor still giggles.

In the parking lot, Jack stops her for a quick conversation. Slash tries to flirt again. He admits that he still loves her, obviously. But he still cannot face the baby and she takes the hint. It’s a good thing too, because Jack’s beard will be serious trouble, so she dodged a bullet.

Kate returns home and hugs the nanny, I guess. They make idle chit chat and then she goes to see her boy. Named Aaron. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.

LOST

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A One Dollar Bet

Here is Lost, season 4, episode 3 "The Economist"
In unrelated news: Hopefully, we can get an oscars prediction post up sometime soon. If you want to participate, let me know!


My one minute recaplet, to be taken with 8oz water: Sayid is the James Bond of the losties. Not only did he do that sweet Xenia Onatopp-like kill last season, but in this week’s episode, we pretty much spend the entire hour watching him shoot people and bang girls.

Aside from a kind of long ‘previously on Lost,’ we open to Sayid praying and then closes Naomi’s eyes. A silver bracelet with an inscription “N, I’ll always be with you, R.G.” First, I don’t know what compelled Sayid to take the jewelry off of her, what is he like grave robbing now? Second, I don’t know why he would analyze it for interior engravings. Oh wait, this is Lost of course there isn’t a good explanation for it. It just kinda happens because it’s convenient.

In this week’s flashforward, we see Sayid enjoying a round of golf by himself. Until this jerk rides up by him and not only continues to bug him, but gives him so advice. I hate when strangers tell me I should do something a certain way. Fuck you, man! I’ll play guitar hero however the fuck I want! Anyways, so the two have a ‘friendly’ wager about which iron is more suited to get on the green. After the stranger wins, Sayid says he’s one of the Oceanic 6 and the man looks very worried. He tries to leave, without collecting his earned wager but Sayid ‘insists’ and calls him by name and then *bang* one dead stranger. So Sayid really hates to lose a bet.

Sidenote: is Kate one of the Oceanic Six? She got off the island, for sure. But would she still have to run from the law? Does she have a golden pass like Jack? I think she is because I don’t have a lot of faith in the writers to cleverly get themselves out of this sticky situation, so they just barrel ahead and pray for the best.

Somewhere in Germany, Sayid hits on this blonde girl sitting in a café. Also, he orders an ‘expresso.’ Sayid, I know you were stuck on an island for like a hundred days, but surely you’ve been in a Starbucks or something. It’s espresso. Blonde girl, Elsa, leaves, marking the restaurant Sayid is to take her, if he ‘can find it,’ she sassily remarks. Except outside, he makes a mysterious phonecall to a mysterious man about and it is clear his intentions are more than just banging her. But don’t worry, there’s some of that too.

When Sayid finds Naomi’s pic of Desmond, they start to wonder why they were looking for Desmond. Juliet runs off to the beach to pick up Desmond and bring him back, maybe to get some answers. Sayid basically tells Jack that he is better at diplomacy. The irony of the torturer being the better diplomat is not lost on me. Jack lets it go, since he tried to shoot Locke last time. Miles sassily demands that he wants to go after Charlotte too, but Sayid just obliges and it kind of stuns him. I guess he was looking for an argument.

Team crazy is marching through the woods and Sawyer wants to know who Ben has on the boat. I’m not sure exactly why, because I doubt he’d know who Ben named anyways. But he keeps threatening violence and Locke stops it. When Locke finds an ashen line, he realizes the cabin is gone and is quite surprised. Ben announces Locke wants to take orders, (from Walt or Jacob though?) but everyone just kinda ignores him. PS Sawyer’s hilarious nickname for Ben is a reference to Gremlins. Haha, bug-eyed Ben. When they realize that Jack will come after them at the barracks, Hurley suggests letting Charlotte go but when he realizes Locke wants a hostage, he kinda tries to back peddle out of the situation. Hurley is such a good guy.

Kate and Jack have a flirtatious moment, then Jack suggests Kate goes with Sayid and Miles. Jack uses Sawyer as a reason that Kate will not get a knife to the back and I find it kinda douche-y but then again, I don’t really like Jack. Miles gets all indignant when Kate gets to wave her gun around. When Frank asks if Sayid was a diplomat, Jack says “no, a torturer,” as the music swells to reinforce the irony.

While walking to the barracks, Sayid is examining Naomi’s bracelet, for some odd reason. Then asks Miles about the team and their relationship. But Miles doesn’t know much about any of them except that he wanted to bang Naomi. Miles retorts that friends don’t usually go after each other with guns either. Touché. Sayid then remarks he’s still undecided about shooting Miles in the face or not.

Sayid picks up Elsa and both look quite dapper. When she wants to leave her pager behind, Sayid insists they take it. Obviously, he wants to run into her boss. She keeps asking him questions about his job and he kind of sloppily parries. Guess she’s not too bright. They make out and leave.

Back on the island, Dan scurries around and sets something up. Probably has to do with lasers (for more on lasers, please see lasersandlava.blogspot.com). He takes Frank’s phone to call Regina on the boat so they can run a science experiment. She fires off a ‘payload’ directed at the laser beacon and though she can track it, saying it lands mid scene, nothing appears. Even if this payload was like pillows and marshmallows, according to the distance it is traveling, it’s still going at least Mach 3. Frank says not to worry but still backs up. Meanwhile, Dan is like just standing right next to the beacon. For a scientist, he’s not very bright.

Sayid and crew come across the barracks and Miles makes a remark about how it’s like a playground. I have to agree with him, the others’ barracks were way too suburban. It’s like a subbarracks or barrburbs. They hear some moaning and bust into a house. Tied in a closet is a gagged Hurley. How reminiscent of Juliet. Hurley fills them in on Locke’s hostage plan and how when he argued with Locke, he was tied and left behind. When Miles calls Hurley ‘tubby’ and tells him to explain, Hurley retorts “oh awesome, they ship sent us another Sawyer.” Amazing. When Hurley asks Miles if they were sent to kill the losties, Miles sassily replies “Not yet.” All the sass, possibly my favorite scene. Hurley says they should go check out Ben’s old house.

Yeah, the Red Sox won the World Series. Kind of a heartbreaker. I know I am a Dodger boy at heart, but growing up with a huge Yankees fan, a little rubs off on ya. Sorry Madelyn, Mike. I’m also surprised at how much Jack misses baseball, since he sucks so much at basketball. The payload finally arrives and it’s a fucking rocket. Why the fuck would you stand so close to an incoming rocket? Inside is a clock except it shows a 31 minute difference. So the island has some weird time bubble thing, possibly like the Lost in Space movie or something. Obviously Dan had to have some idea this was going on because he had a damn experiment set up to test it. I feel like all of this is just gonna have a bad explanation. Juliet brings Desmond back.

Sayid and the A-team investigate Ben’s house and they split up. Using super powers of observation, Sayid notices a warped floor underneath a bookshelf, and suspects a hidden room behind it. He’s right, Ben has an enormous walk in closet in there. He stores some traveling cash, and a few passports too. Sawyer sneaks into the bedroom but Kate draws her gun on him. He signals her to be quiet which immediately prompts her to scream Sayid. Doesn’t she know that a finger to the lips means to not scream. Either way, when Sayid runs into the other room, Locke has a gun pointed on his head. To finish the foreshadowing, it is revealed Hurley was a decoy. They lock Sayid up with Ben while Locke interrogates Miles. Ben sassily tells Sayid, “I lost a dollar, you know. I bet John you wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for your friend as bait.” Haha. Back in the bedroom, Sawyer and Kate share a sexually tense moment as they argue what is here for them versus what is waiting for them back in the real world. Locke brings some room service to Ben and Sayid. Locke tells Sayid about the spy but Sayid refuses to believe anything Ben says. Sayid suggests Locke give him Charlotte but of course offers something in return.

Sayid and Elsa bang and have a conversation about life and love. Sayid realizes he loves her and then says ‘no more secrets.’ Except that cockblock pager goes off and Elsa has to answer it. As she gets ready, Sayid tells her that she has to leave. Obviously, Sayid will be doing something like murder. Elsa asks who he really is and several other questions. Then she pulls a gun and shoots his shoulder. So, in a Bond-like twist, she was also playing him. In German, she talks to her boss on the phone about the setup and though she didn’t get the info, she’ll bring Sayid in for interrogation. Lying on the bed, Sayid sees his gun and plans a distraction so he can shoot her, killing her. Another chick Sayid has banged gets shot and dies. Note to self: don’t sleep with Sayid. But seriously, did they not notice the gun just sitting there before? Seems a little sloppy. James Bond wouldn’t be that sloppy. In a parallel to the opening scene, Sayid closes Elsa’s eyes and rubs her bracelt.

Desmond confronts Frank about how the pic and Penelope but Frank gives up no information, instead just glancing at Dan. Sayid returns with Charlotte, and reveals that his plan was ultimately to trade Miles for her. Kate also decided to stay. Frank doesn’t care for Miles anyways, so he lets it slide. No love for Miles. Dan and Charlotte stay behind on the first ride, so Sayid suggests they take Naomi for some necrophilic reason. Dan warns Frank to fly out the exact same way they flew in. Desmond takes co-pilot for some reason, as if boating and helicopter flying are the same thing. And off they go.

In a veterinarian’s office, a shot Sayid goes into an operating room where Ben cleans up the wound. Sayid shows some emotion over her death. But Ben reminds him that Sayid is a hired gun to protect the ones he loves. So Sayid sold his soul, now working for Ben. At least he’s an awesome badass while doing it. When Sayid tells Ben that they are on to him, Ben ominously replies, “Good.”

LOST

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The Most Important Question

I know I am just starting but I can already see many things I'd like to fix in my style of recaps. For one, less plain recapping, more commentary. But these are kinda long and can be taxing if not rewarding. I'm sure with more time, I'll get better at this.

Let me first spread this episode out for you in a nutshell (I know I am mixing my metaphors, it’s a reference to Sports Night, one of my favorite shows. You should probably watch that instead of Lost.): This episode sets up four new characters that I don’t like…and that’s pretty much it. The plot doesn’t move forward too much, otherwise. Suck.

We open to footage of an underwater camera and 2 people remotely observing and controlling the exploration. And they find the lost wreckage of Oceanic Flight 815!? Oh wait…not that impressive. Mostly because it’s fake. And it’s not too unreasonable to assume that, after like 3 months, the only worse press for an airline than a plane crash is a plane crash they can’t find. So you make something up. But for some reason, this guy, Dan, is watching the news of the discovery and just starts sobbing. He also happens to be the parachutist from last week. Just crying at home for no reason his wife or even he understands. I mean, sure, it’s supposed to set up questions: why is he crying, how’d he end up on the island, etc. But you know what? I don’t really care about new characters. The fact that he and his cronies introduced in this episode, become season regulars does not sit well with me. You already heard me complain about all the characters I don’t like last week. I doubt the solution is to add more characters into the mix. I want answers, not crazy crybaby nutjobs.

Anyways, we cut to a hectic scene inside the helicopter where crybaby Dan is unwillingly forced out of the helicopter, he desperately deploys his chute and when he gets to his feet, hears the approaching Jack and Kate. OooOOoooh, he conceals a gun so things aren’t so S&R friendly after all. But honestly, we could expect that. What with Charlie writing ‘Not Penny’s Boat’ on his hand. He introduces himself as Daniel Faraday, the man here to rescue them.

Ok, I’m jumping the gun a little bit but this is a good segue into something that really grinds my gears. In like half an hour, you learn he is a physicist. His name is Daniel Faraday. For those with better majors than me(read: everyone, except Tim) here is some background information: Michael Faraday was a prominent scientist in the fields of physics and chemistry. He is a major influence on electromagnetism (Like what the Swan studied, ooOOooh) and is considered to have pioneered the field of nanoscience (if anyone resurrects the theory that the smoke monster is an AI motivated collection of nanobots, I will hurt them). He has two units of measure named after him AND a constant. So he’s kind of important to the science community. He was known as a philosopher of nature. My problem: Lost very unsubtly names characters after important philosophers. John Locke. Rousseau. You guys just are not trying very hard. I’ll admit Jack Shepard is a little better. But John Locke was seriously the laziest job ever. It’s like you put it up as his placeholder name but never filled it in with a real one. And now we have a scientist named after a scientist? When it’s that obtuse, it’s distracting. Like the movie, The Savages. It did not need that extra layer with the play on the family name. So, in conclusion, attention writers: please stop naming characters after historical figures you guys kinda remember from the few days you actually went to class in college.

So Crybaby mentions stuff about his team and their GPS like thingies that can be found using the 1992 iPhone. They try to make it sound technical but it doesn’t really matter because it only results in two outcomes: people that our outraged at how science/technology does not actually work like that (I usually fall into this camp) and people that take Lost so seriously that they believe it like gospel. And of course they all argue over the internet (which necessarily is a zero sum game). Eeeeeh, Tck tck tck tck.

Elsewhere, Locke is enjoying the rain. Because he is crazy. When it stops (the rain, not Locke being crazy), they head out. But before going to the barracks like Locke said, he wants to make a detour at a cabin. When Hurley points out that he thought the cabin was the other direction, Locke starts interrogating him and Hurley covers himself by claiming to refer to the airplane cabin. Now, I have talked to many people, and the general consensus is it was Locke who scared Hurley at the cabin. PS Though I didn’t realize it at the time, the man in the rocking chair during the last episode was none other than Christian Shepard! What. The. Fuck. I still don’t understand if they are going to the cabin though, why Locke is so angry at Hurley for mentioning it. Whatever. Locke spouts some more stuff about fate and then mentions he is following the orders of Walt.

Back on the beach, Sayid and Juliet have some relatively meaningless and uninteresting conversation but Juliet does acknowledge that these people may be bad. So how many guns do you have Sayid? Let’s go shoot us some baddies.

When Jack, Kate, and Dan stumble upon some jettisoned cargo from the helicopter, including biohazard gear and gas masks, Jack confronts Dan about the gun and starts an interrogation. Just as Dan says that rescuing the survivors is not their primary mission and Jack presses him for more information, Dan picks up his partner’s, Miles, beacon. They can’t fucking walk and talk? Haven’t they seen the West Wing? It’s not that hard people.

Sawyer pushes Locke for more information about Walt and Locke reveals that it was Walt, “only taller.” I find it weird that Locke didn’t just describe him as older (since the actor is) and am mildly dreading how they’re gonna explain this. Sawyer does not believe Locke when he says Ben shot him until Locke reveals the gun shot wound. Sawyer is an idiot because Locke was in a fucking wheelchair before coming to the island.

As Jack and crew follow the iPhone to Miles, we see a view over the Cliffside to an unconscious parachutist with his chute flapping in the wind. I was really hoping for some sweet Lord of the Flies omage, where the wind makes him scare them and stuff but no dice. As Jack checks to see if Miles is alive, he comes to and pulls his gun on Jack because he knows Naomi is dead.

At this suspenseful moment, we are treated to a flashback featuring our newly discovered friend. He’s apparently the most expensive cleaning service in the city, demanding $200 up front as he assembles what looks like a dirt devil. He goes upstairs, turns on his vacuum thing and goes into a trance. Apparently he’s a ghostbuster. As far as I can recall, there was no Asian ghostbuster and none of them were psychic. Also he doesn’t have the a sweet proton pack. So he sucks. He demands the ghost tell him where ‘it’ is and then finds a bunch of cash and drugs. He takes the phat stack of cash and rehides the drugs. As he leaves, he feels bad for the grieving grandma, and refunds a hundred dollars.

Back on the island, Miles reveals that Naomi didn’t cover for the losties. She used a code word, “tell my sister I love her,” which stands for “they have a gun to my head.” When Kate tries to explain what happens, Miles demands to see her body. Because he’s a ghostbuster. Or a necrophiliac. Or both.

Locke’s troupe is refilling their water and Ben begins sowing dissention with that mouth of his again. First he pisses of Karl, and then Sawyer. Although, it’s not like either are too hard to agitate. When Ben keeps pressing the whole love triangle thing, Sawyer starts pummeling him until Locke stops it because they need his information. I am surprised Rousseau didn’t make a stink when Locke refers to Ben as Alex’s dad, but I guess it would ruin the moment.

Miles meditates over Naomi’s corpse and Dan says the stupidest line about how the light scatters oddly. When Miles realizes they are telling the truth, Charlotte’s beacon comes online. Jack tells Miles to put the guns down because in a moment reminiscent of when Tom had the losties trapped, Sayid and Juliet have surrounded them and fire their guns off to show they aren’t kidding around.

In another flashback, a woman, Charlotte, is driving through the desert to an archeological dig, where she excited discovers a DHARMA brand polar bear. So there was more than one DHARMA brand camp? Or did that polar bear swim from a tropical island out to the desert? At this point, I think both are about as likely to be the case.

Charlotte wakes up on the island, hanging upside down from a tree. She, in my opinion, stupidly undoes her pack to drop into the water below. I mean how does she know this water is deep enough? She could’ve killed herself. Though, that might have been just as well. Locke finds her and says hi.

Sayid interrogates Dan and Miles, though Miles is keeping answers short and curt. Sayid continues to question Miles and only gets more sarcasm. “Oh my god, you guys were on Oceanic flight 815, wow.” My thoughts exactly, Miles.

Charlotte is asking way too many questions about the survivors and Locke is trying to control the flow of this information. He then reveals that Charlotte stumbled onto the wrong people, not wanting to be found and all and they get up and get on the move again.

Sayid starts picking up Charlotte’s beacon and it’s moving fast. As the group try to close in on the signal, Dan starts shouting her name. Jack tries to silence him because, aside from the loud, rapid beeping of the iPhone, they are trying to be stealth. And Dan is totally ruining that. It turns out to just be Vincent with the transponder tied to his neck and Jack makes the correct assumption that Locke has her. No shit, Sherlock.

Back in a tropical fish store, a disheveled looking man is watching the news report of the Oceanic flight 815 crash. He knows the pilot in the footage is not Seth Norris, because of no wedding ring. He reveals he was supposed to be the pilot for that flight. OOooohh. If you may recall, the pilot from the very first episode was actually Greg Grunberg, none other than Heroes’ telepathic Matt Parkman. I like Matt way more than any of the losties, so it’s a good thing he got off that stupid island.

The intended pilot, banged and bruised, stumbles through the jungle and up a hill. He runs into a cow and is completely dumbfounded by it. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the out of place animals here. He pulls out a cap gun he bought at the drug store and fires off a flare.

When Charlotte sees the flare and demands to go help him, claiming that she’s here because of them, Locke tells her to shove it. She’s being stubborn so Ben shoots her and then Sawyer starts attacking Ben, possibly because he didn’t get a chance to try and bang her yet. But Locke checks on her and discovers that she is okay, what with wearing a bullet proof vest and all. Ben just cannot seem to use a gun properly. If I ever don’t want to die from a gunshot, I’ll let Ben do it.

Jack and crew find Frank, our intrepid pilot, and he reveals that the helicopter didn’t crash. In fact, it looks pretty good. Damn, he must be a good pilot.

Naomi and creepy fake attorney guy from last week are meeting about her taking lead of this group of four. She refers to Dan as a ‘headcase’ which, though not fully explained, is not too far of a stretch.

Sayid inspects the plane and figures they can get it working again. Jack gives Miles the iPhone in trade for some information, and he tacks on the ‘no talking about your sister clause.’ Juliet is bandaging up Frank, except when she mentions her name, he realizes she’s not a survivor. When Frank tell Miles, he demands Juliet reveal where Ben is.

Locke decides to “clean up his mess” by taking the responsibility for executing Ben. Ben claims he has answers though, so Locke jumps directly to the question everyone wants to know, “what is the monster? The black smoke monster.” When Ben can’t give an answer, Locke cocks the gun. Ben quickly blurts out everything he knows about Charlotte to save his hide and reveals that they are really after him. He knows this because he has a man on their boat.

LOST.

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The Beginning of the Blog

Here is my first attempt at a recap, starting off with Lost (season 4, episode 1). I know I need to find my groove but I am sure things will smooth themselves out. Obviously, spoiler warnings after the cut. I hope you enjoy it!

Previously on Lost: it doesn’t matter because they are a) never going to resolve the issues they started or b) give you the lamest explanation that don’t make any sense anyways. Besides, it’s been about eight months since I watched the last episode, do you think I remember the intricate plot details that have been tangled up?

We open to some beautiful tropical fruit piled high, subsequently smashed apart by a red Camaro. Oh Lost writers, you are clever in your symbolism. How the island is symbolized by the fruit is not over my head (I actually inadvertently had a ‘lost’ pun there first but thought it too inexcusable to leave). Except this isn’t AP English and Mrs. Vander Heide is long since gone. I’m no sparknotes though, so I’m not too impressed. We see Jack, clean shaven, watching it on tv while making himself a screwdriver. Alcoholic Jack means it’s definitely a flashforward, but no beard Jack means it fits in before the previous one, chronologically. He sees the Camaro and realizes who it is, as I guess we were too. But guess what, I forgot Hurley was fixing a Camaro when he was 10. That was like 3 years ago. I got busy. So did most other people. When Hurley is finally cornered by the police, they tell him to step out of the car. He tries to make a run for it. But who is he kidding, even Hurley has to realize he is not going far. As he is being arrested, he cryptically screams about being “one of the Oceanic Six!” Does this mean only six people got off the island? Are the rest dead? Still on the island? If only six did escape, who was it (I mean clearly we know Hurley, Jack, and Kate are half). If I had to guess, the other three are Sayid, Sawyer, and possibly Claire. Locke loves the island too much, and no other living survivor has nearly as intricate an off-island storyline.

I want to take this as an opportunity to say that I don’t really care about most of the characters left. As noted earlier, I was a big Charlie (and Boone) fan; I also miss Mr. Eko, just because he was kinda comical. With their passing, the only character I really like left is Hurley. Jack, Kate, Sawyer have this stupid love triangle thing that I don’t care about at all. Locke is crazy. Sayid, in my opinion, is a flat character (remember when he dated Shannon, and then she died? Because part of me is sure that he doesn’t) and nothing happens to him, he’s just kinda there. Sun and Jin, recently, seem pretty underdeveloped as well. So she speaks English, the island fixed his penis (my theory), and he is not really as abusive as Asian stereotypes make him out to be. I don’t care. I find Claire too whiny. And Bernard and Rose and tertiary characters at best. And I am glad Michael left slash dread him coming back. I cannot take any more shouting of ‘Where’s my boy?!’

I actually started watching Lost in the middle of season two, because of my roommate, Kyle. It was so ridiculous and I am such a dick that I kept making fun of it until finally I gave in and watched it from the beginning. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching Lost (even the shitty parts of season 3, mostly). But I think the characters, for the most part, are stupid. No one behaves like that. But I like it get involved in tv shows (hence, why I have this blog), so I keep watching and investing time into it.

Anyways, so Hurley lies to Ana-Lucia’s ex-partner and we learn he started the chase because someone scared him in a convenience store. Then he has a hallucination similar to when Mikhail blew up the Looking Glass porthole (I really want to digress and talk about how the physics of the situation would lead to Charlie surviving, but that is wasted space. It’s a tv show about a magical island and they killed him for dramatic effect. I can get over it.). When the police officer asks him, threateningly, if he wants to go back to the mental institute, Hurley begs yes.

Back on the island, Hurley is radioing Jack and gives himself the sweet codename of Beast. If Hurley is Beast, Jack needs to be Cyclops (for both the leader position and the fact that he’s a big douchebag). Sawyer is obviously Wolverine, for desiring Jack’s girl (I guess that makes Kate equivalent to Jean Grey) and for being the sexy loner that girls want. Locke can be Professor X because he thinks he is super smart and is bald. Anyways, Jack and Kate talk about Locke and the repercussions of him killing Naomi. Jack says he will kill Locke if he sees him again. Cyclops has got his panties in a twist. We get a few more small scenes of the survivors, including one where Rose is basically tells Claire to bang Charlie for saving them. She is seriously dirty. And Ben worries about the coming of these ‘rescuers.’

Out at the beach, Hurley tells Bernard about his money and its burden and Bernard just shrugs it off as a joke. Hurley then decides he wants to do a cannonball and we are treated to a gratuitous scene that draws from the idea “what if Jorge Garcia was the star of Baywatch?” Desmond returns and he and everyone at the beach are shouting about how they called the boat and how they’re in trouble and there are warnings, and then Hurley in his infinite compassion demands to know where Charlie is. This is why Hurley and I could be BFFs.

Jack gets a phone call and the guy wants to talk to Naomi, who has disappeared. Jack panics, lies and hangs up. And when Jack confronts Ben, Ben gives an awesome, sassy answer. Rousseau finds the trail and she and Jack gear up to find Naomi. Kate is worried about a dummy trail but Jack basically blows her off. She says he’s right, hugs him and lets him go. Ben voyeuristically, watches on,

An argument erupts back on the beach about the best way to approach this warning. Are these people listening to communications? Hurley chucks the walkie into the ocean and makes the decision they need to warn the other survivors face to face. Hurley makes the good point that, “you don’t wait with warnings, you warn.” Our beach team gears up with the guns and heads off to find their group.

In the mental institute, Hurley wins another round of connect four against someone who may not understand he lost, or is even playing. An attorney for Oceanic Airlines offers Hurley an upgraded facility but Hurley turns him down. But the attorney pushes and Hurley gets suspicious. When spooky fake guy can’t provide a business card, he cuts to the chase, “are they still alive?” What the fuck?! Hurley freaks out and he leaves. I want to make special note of the background actor playing with the paper butterfly on the wall in this scene. Amazing.

As our sharpshooting team treks through the jungle to warn the rest, Sawyer shows Hurley some compassion, realizing he and Charlie were close. Hurley brushes him off and Sawyer walks ahead. Hurley falls behind, gets lost, and then stumbles upon the cabin and hears creepy voices.

On the search for Naomi, guess what? Kate was right, Naomi double backed. It’s a good thing she went on the search herself then, as Ben sassily reveals. Seriously, Ben has some of the best lines in this episode, just to piss off Jack; I love it. Kate, on the search for Naomi, gets a phone call and doesn’t quite know how to lie. The phone really looks like a motorola from 1992 with an iphone screen superimposed over it. When Naomi gets the drop on Kate, George calls again and Kate gives it up to Naomi. Naomi doesn’t blame the losties for her injuries over the phone, resets the nav-sat thing as George asked, then promptly dies. Good riddance.

Hurley approaches Jacob’s creepy cabin and someone scares the crap out of him at the window. He runs but not before the cabin plays crazy mind tricks on him. He closes his eyes, counts to 10 and the cabin is replaced by Locke looking over him. Hurley tells Jack of Charlie’s message, reinforcing Locke’s idea of avoiding these people at all costs. Soon, Sayid and the others meet up with them and though tensions are still high, they agree that these people should not come to the island. Finally, they reunite with everyone else and everyone looks so happy to see each other. Except for Claire, looking around for Charlie. Desmond goes to tell her the news, but Hurley stops him, deciding to do it. They both break down and mourn the passing of our beloved hobbit/Oasis friend.

Back in the mental hospital, Hurley is drawing a picture of an Eskimo. It’s pretty good. Another patient warns Hurley that somebody is watching him and when Hurley looks up, he sees Charlie. How the fuck does this other loon see Charlie? Charlie acknowledges to Hurley that he is dead. But also that he is here. He slaps Hurley just to prove it. Charlie has a message for Hurley, “They need you,” but Hurley refuses to listen. As Hurley tries to ignore him, Charlie calls him a baby. Hurley closes his eyes, counts to five, and like the cabin, Charlie disappears. C’mon Hurley, do what your friend asks of you!

Jack gets in a sweet sucker punch on Locke, then tries to shoot him. Woah there, going a little to far there Jack. Maybe you could join Locke’s anger management group. When Kate returns with news of the death of Naomi, a schism between Jack and those to be rescued and Locke and those that want to avoid these boat people emerge. And while Hurley defends the memory of Charlie, I’m not sure he realizes his move means he has to listen to Locke. Who is crazy. Ben sassily asks Jack for permission to go with Locke, god I love it. And Sawyer deserts a heartbroken Kate. I hate this love triangle so much. So the two groups part ways.

Jack comes to visit Hurley at the institute, and they play a friendly game of horse. Except Jack seriously sucks at basketball. But Hurley is too smart, he knows Jack would “look weird with a beard” and knows that Jack came because he wants to make sure Hurley “won’t tell.” Hurley apologizes for going with Locke and then tells Jack that he thinks they should go back and that it was a mistake to leave. More ominious secrets. Ooooh, like this hasn’t gotten old. Jack shouts that they will never go back and Hurley simply responds “Never say never dude.” Seriously, Hurley knows his shit. He knows Jack will look gross with a beard and decide he wants back on the Island. Jack, you’re such a douche.

The episode ends with a cliff-hanger-y helicopter and new parachutist. Except I am seriously tired of more new characters.
LOST

Feedback would be much appreciated!

Also here is a little treat which I found hilarious and fairly accurate.

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Top 5 of 2007

In my tradition of making top 5 lists, I thought I'd start this with a short top 5 list for 2007:

Top 5 television moments of 2007:
5. Kenneth leaving on a 'Midnight train to Georgia,' 30 Rock (season 2, episode 10 'Coffee and TV') - Admittedly, this aired 10 days into 2008, but was technically made in 2007. It marks the first return of real written television since this painful strike put a major cramp in my tv watching. Seeing it was so much fun and a reminder that tv could still be good.
4. Charlie's own top 5 list, Lost (season 3, episode 21 'Greatest hits') - Not only do I think it redeemed his sagging character and was some of Dominic Monaghan's best acting, it's a top 5 list! But seriously, Charlie was one of the few characters I felt I liked (R.I.P. Boone as well). Yes, I miss him.

3. House (season 4, episode 1 'Alone')

Janitor: Maybe it's lupus.

The meta reference had me rolling on the ground and simul-messaging everyone else watching it. It was a much better nod to the show's outrageousness than its later actual lupus case (season 4, episode 8). I also loved that House was bouncing ideas off of a janitor (a little more interesting than some of the contestants to come later in the season).

2. "The Humans are Dead" music video, Flight of the Conchords (season 1 episode 1) - It's hard to pick out one defining moment for this breakout show showcasing one of New Zealand's most clever folk parody duo, but a binary solo and sweet robot suits helped hook me into a show with some of the most quotable lines ever.

1. The Office (season 3, episode 23 'The Job')

Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight?

Pam: Yes.

Jim: All right. Then it's a date.

[Jim leaves. Pam smiles and tears up]

Pam: I'm sorry, what was the question?

I'm sorry, I am a huge Office fan and at this very moment, I probably screamed. 3 years of bad timing and high tension culminates in the cutest of moments. I know in the back of my head I was saying "I hope they can keep this up" but I ignored it, I was too happy.

I really wanted Veronica Mars to make this list but unfortunately, its weak third season ended not with a bang but with a whimper. Albeit, it left me praying for some form of follow up.

Maybe in good spirits, I'll start recapping Lost from its season premiere. Wish me luck.

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