Of Lobsters and Pigeons

In the ninth episode of Mad Men, "Shoot," someone gets punched in the face, someone gets bitten, and someone attempts bird murder.

Previously on Mad Men: Peggy and Pete did it on his office couch and then he refused to do the Twist with her, Betty wouldn’t shut up about her dead mom, and Cooper gave Don a big bonus check to show how important he is to the company.

In the front yard of the Draper home, Betty is trimming the hedges while the kids play with Polly the dog (I wish we saw more of Polly—I would totally watch a spinoff called Mad Polly. Is this just me?). The neighbor next door releases half a dozen or so of his carrier pigeons, and all the Drapers take a long moment to watch the birds fly off into the air.

The Drapers are enjoying intermission at the theater when Don runs into Jim Hobart, the head of a competing advertising firm. He says that the word around town is that Don is going to be the next big thing. He compliments Don’s tourism campaign for Rio, but Don says that he wasn’t as successful in winning the Israel account (mentioned in the episode “Babylon”), which went to Jim’s firm. Jim says that it wasn’t Don that lost him the Israelis, but “the tiny store you work in.” He starts describing the resources Don would have behind him if he came to work at Jim’s firm, McCann, and tells Don, “You’ve done your time in the farm leagues. Yankee Stadium is on the line.” Jim’s wife, Adele, walks up, followed soon after by Betty. After a bit of small talk, Adele and Don go to fetch drinks from the bar, leaving Betty with Jim. Jim asks her if she’s an actress, and Betty demurs that she’s a housewife, even though she did do some modeling “a lifetime ago.” Jim tells her that she’s a dead ringer for Grace Kelly, which is no exaggeration. He continues that the Coca Cola campaign he’s working on could use a face like Betty’s. Despite her protests that she’s now retired, Jim gives her his card and tells her to think about it.

In the car on the way home, Betty brings up Jim Hobart, and mentions that he gave her his card. Don assumes first that Jim was trying to use Betty in his quest to steal Don from Sterling Cooper, and then that Jim just wanted to play Prince of Monaco to Betty’s Grace Kelly. Betty tells him that it isn’t so crazy for him to actually want her for a modeling job, and gives Don a big, cheesy smile to prove that she might be right for Coca Cola. Don laughs it off, but when Betty tries to ask whether Don might move to the McCann agency, he ignores her completely.

The next day, Francine is over for some afternoon coffee. While they chat Betty is putting away some toys, including a BB gun. Betty’s also wearing this gorgeous peach sleeveless shirtdress with a silver belt at the waist—I want it. Betty mentions Jim’s courtship of Don, and how he asked her to do some modeling. Francine treats it as a joke, and asks what Don said. “He basically said that the man was trying to sleep with one of us, and he didn’t like the idea of either,” Betty says. The two laugh, and then Betty says more seriously, “I did do some modeling, you know.” Betty says she was a model living in Manhattan when she met Don. She got started when she went to Italy the summer after college, and was muse to an Italian designer named Giovanni. Francine’s all, “Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!”

Betty is trying on some of her old modeling outfits for Francine in the bedroom. Francine can’t believe that Betty’s relationship with Giovanni was platonic, but I think we can all agree it would be worth getting fondled by an Italian man if you got to keep the adorable minidress Betty’s wearing—shiny pink fabric with a gold floral design, and blue pockets, belt and lapels. It’s a cross between cocktail waitress and flight attendant, but in a sexy, cute sort of way.

Don enters his office, and sees a box on his desk labeled “Personal and Confidential.” Must be porn! Alas, Don is not so lucky. Instead, it’s a towel from the Athletic Club (a swanky gym/spa place that lots of advertising execs go to), a membership card, and a note from Jim Hobart that says “Welcome to the club. Call me.” Don calls Jim to say thank you for the gesture, and Jim tells him it’s not a gesture, “it’s an overture.” He suggests the next step would be a quiet meeting at the Algonquian, but Don isn’t ready to seriously consider leaving Sterling Cooper. Jim lays it all out on the line: Sterling Cooper is a “mom and pop,” and doesn’t attract international clients like Pan Am and Coca Cola. McCann can offer all that, plus $35,000 a year. Jim finishes, “Eventually you come up here, or you die wondering.” Then he hangs up. Awkward endings of phone conversations are probably my biggest TV pet peeve—nobody on TV says, “Alright, nice to talk to you, goodbye now.” It’s all, “Your brother is a murderer,” hang up, stare off into the distance for a few seconds before we head to commercial break. Don hangs up the phone and stares at the membership card for a few seconds, and we head to…..

Betty at the psychiatrist’s office. She’s telling him about Jim Hobart’s modeling talk, and recounts how she met Don on a photo shoot. She was modeling a “Russian blue fox coat”, and Don, just a copywriter, saw how much she hated having to give it back. He asked her out, she said no, and three weeks later he arranged to have the coat sent to her apartment. Betty says that after that she only had two or three more jobs, and then they got engaged, she got pregnant, and they moved to the suburbs. She comments that at that point she felt so old (I believe that Betty is now just 28—so young!), and her shrink says his one line: “Tell me more about that.” Betty goes into her favorite topic: her mother. “My mother was very concerned with looks and weight. And I’ve always eaten a lot, and I like hot dogs. My mother used to say, “You’re going to get stout.” And then I became a model, and she hated it… Manhattan. She called me a prostitute.” Betty’s always talked about her mother like she was some sort of saint, but we’re gradually seeing that their relationship may have been more complicated and dysfunctional when Betty’s mom was alive. I mean, who calls their daughter a prostitute? The psychiatrist states, “You’re angry at your mother.” Betty sits up off the couch and turns around to spit out, “What? Are you going to talk now?” The psychiatrist repeats himself, as if talking to a child. Betty is now angry at her shrink and says, “Of all the things I’ve said in here?” He observes that she’s sitting up. Betty says, “You don’t listen to me. You don’t listen to all the things I say, and then out of nowhere, you provoke me.” The shrink: “Tell me more about that.” (I hope I’m not offending any psychiatrists out there by referring to Betty’s doctor as her shrink. It’s just that shrink is a lot easier to type a bunch of times than psychiatrist, and I’ve totally forgotten this guy’s name.)

With a huff, Betty lies back down and says that she misses her mom. “She wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go until you’re in a box?” This makes Betty think about Jim Hobart, and she finishes, “I don’t care why he gave me his card.”

From on trophy wife to another: the Sterling Cooper men are watching a video of Jackie Kennedy talking, in Spanish. I’m assuming she’s saying “Vote for Kennedy!” but my high school Spanish is so rusty that I can only catch the phrases “it is necessary to have” and “White House” and “November 8th.” After the ad ends, Harry tells the table that he got it from a friend at another ad firm, but it’s already on the air. Ken says, “Am I alone? I don’t understand it.” Paul is delightedly condescending as he says, “Because it’s in Spanish.” Pete makes fun of Jackie’s “finishing school voice,” which is not far at all from Trudie’s whine. Don is in favor of giving up Spanish-speaking voters and ignoring the ad, and Harry reports that Cooper thinks if Kennedy gets any higher in the polls, Nixon will finally officially enlist Sterling Cooper’s help. Don asks why they’re spending so much time on Nixon’s campaign without getting paid, and Pete snots, “I, for one, don’t question the wishes of our clients.” Pete wants so desperately to be liked by Don, but he can’t help but antagonize Don by trying to paint himself as superior every chance he gets.

Pete wants to know if Don thinks that “we” can’t win, since Nixon is ahead in the polls. Don says that it’s not a big lead, and they still can’t figure out how to have any impact alongside the official Nixon campaign. Harry says that he was told to focus on undecided states, so they should come up with a plan of attack just to satisfy Cooper. Salvatore has this to add to the conversation: “I think women will hate [Jackie Kennedy]. It’s like their better looking sister marries a senator and she’s going to live in the White House. I’m practically jealous.” What a shocker. And did women dislike Jackie? I guess that at this point in Jackie’s life she didn’t take on that aura of tragedy that made her so iconic, and so it was easier to be jealous.

Betty is reading a magazine in the kitchen when Don arrives home; she’s obviously flustered since she assumed he was staying in the city. I guess now that Midge is out of the picture, Don has fewer places to go when he’s avoiding his wife and kids. She immediately jumps up and starts fixing him a sandwich—women really got a raw deal in this time period, but man, the men had it made. Betty says that she realized that she misses modeling. Don is surprised that she might want to go back to work, and she assures him it would just be a few days. She says, “I think it would be fun to go in and be that girl again.” Don asks if she’s already made up her mind, and she assures him that it’s just a small thing, and she’ll still be home in time to make him dinner. “I guess I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do,” Don says.

The next day at work, Peggy is working at her desk when she leans over and rips her skirt. She comes into the break room, where Joan and two of the switchboard operators are gossiping, wearing a sweater tied around her waist. Joan immediately notices Peggy’s fashion faux pas and assumes that it’s that time of the month. Peggy explains about the rip, and Joan (after commenting that the sweater isn’t helping Peggy’s silhouette) offers to lend Peggy the extra outfit she has hidden away.

Sterling enters Don’s office carrying a bag of golf clubs, and Don says, “We’re not exactly dressed for that, are we?” I love when Don makes those dry little jokes—I love the idea that there’s this playful side of Don that only peaks it head out rarely. Sterling gets down to business, saying that he’s lost men to rival agencies before, “usually due to my unexpressed confidence. I think you’re one in a million, Draper.” Sterling says that the bonus check was “designed as a kind of armor against men like Jim Hobart,” who is the giver of the golf clubs. Sterling asks what Jim offered, and Don sums it up: more money and slutty Pan Am stewardesses. Sterling says that they’re open to raising Don’s salary, and they can work to attract more big name clients. Don is obviously feeling like the prettiest girl at the ball where every gentleman is fighting for the next dance, but Sterling knows that if Don goes, things will go downhill very quickly for Sterling Cooper. Sterling says that he thought about leaving once, but “it’s daunting. Why entertain the prospect of failure?” I don’t think this is the right tactic to take with a man who asked out a model who looks exactly like Grace Kelly. Don says that he hasn’t made up his mind yet, and as Sterling gets up he tells Don, “I’m taking this very personally.” Don is surprised and claims that this is just business. “Is it,” Sterling says, a bit bitterly, as he walks out the door. And really, it shows a lack of insight in Don that he would recognize that Sterling sees Don as a friend as well as a meal ticket, and no man likes to lose either.

The Mad Boys are gathered around a table, gossiping like a bunch of middle school girls about Don’s offer from McCann-Erikson. Pete, predictably, says that Sterling Cooper should just let him go. Paul wants to go with him, and Harry is trying to imagine how much money Don would get—“I heard he’s making thirty already.” “He’s not ten times better than me,” Pete says, and the other guys give him looks that say, “You only make $3,000?” Heh. And Pete: Don’s at least 200 times better than you. Paul teasingly says, “You love him. Everybody loves him.” Pete says, “Sure. His moods, and the way he talks. I don’t even know what he’s saying half the time.” That’s because you’re an idiot, Pete. At that moment, Peggy walks by, wearing Joan’s bright red dress that probably looks bomb on Joan but fits Peggy very poorly. The Mad Boys take notice, and Paul admits that he thought about nailing Peggy once, but “she’s having a very bad freshman year.” Ken says, “They went nuts for her writing. Belle Jolie? She did that.” Ken isn’t always a perfect gentleman, but I want to make out with him for talking up her brains when the topic is her hips. Paul says that Belle Jolie was ok (jealous, much?), but “she obviously let it go to her head. And other places.” Ken says something sexist and gross, and I’m not going to recap it because I want to continue to love him. Pete dismissingly says, “Who thinks about her? Maybe she’ll go with Draper, too.” “It’s a tragedy,” Ken says, “piece of fruit that went real bad, real fast, and no one ever got to eat it.” Pete makes a hilariously shifty face, then claims he needs to get back to work.

At the modeling audition, all the other women are wearing understated shift dresses and Capri pants, and Betty is dressed to the nines in a big poofy ballgown with a big bow on the bust. She looks like a cupcake, but she’s trying to maintain her dignity nevertheless. Jim Hobart enters and greets Betty, and she immediately apologizes for overdoing it wardrobe-wise. Ronnie, the art director for the Coca Cola campaign, gives Salvatore a run for his gay money when he assures Betty that he’s “overwhelmed by the style of it.” Before going into the shoot, Jim pulls her aside to remind her that this is just a try out, no guarantees. She sweetly reassures him that she knows.

Harry’s on Pete’s couch, and the two are actually talking about business for once. The topic is Secor, the laxative company, and Harry says something overly technical about what sort of media he’s buying as a media buyer. Harry says, “Who knew that college was going to get me out of the army and into laxatives?” “College was the moment, wasn’t it?” Pete observes. The two compare fraternity experiences, and Pete tells a story about the funeral his frat decided to throw for their mascot, a stray dog named Mamie. They heard that their rival frat was having a beauty pageant thing on Main Street, so they got a permit to go down there and throw a giant parade for Mamie’s funeral. They carried the dead dog (ew!) down the street in a kid’s wagon, and all the girls ran away crying. The two laugh, but then a light bulb goes off in Pete’s extremely dull head. Nixon and Kennedy are racing against each other to see who can buy the most airtime in the undecided states, so if they buy a lot of media for Secor Laxatives in those states, Kennedy won’t be able to match Nixon’s airtime. He sums it up: “We’re selling laxatives. Nixon’s selling Nixon. And Kennedy’s watching Mamie’s funeral.” Harry has the good sense to be scared at the fact that Pete might actually have a good idea.

At the Draper home, Don is sprawled out on the couch watching TV. Let me tell you: big man, little furniture? Surprisingly sexy. Betty comes back from talking on the phone in the other room, and happily announces that she was chosen for the cola job. Betty downplays the job, saying that it’s just a few days work, but she’s obviously giddy about it. Don says, “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna ruin this,” which… thanks? Should Betty go bake you a cake that says, “Thank you for not being an asshole this one time?” He finishes that he’s very happy for her, which are the magic words for getting into Betty’s hoop skirt. She turns off the TV and starts putting the moves on Don. In between kisses, she says, “I know you don’t like it. But I know you’re a little bit proud of me.” As he unzips her dress she suggests they go upstairs, but Don says, “No. Right here.” Hot. So much hotter than when Pete and Peggy did it in his office.

The next day, the babysitter (for some reason I always thought Ethel was a young black girl, while this woman is white and very old) snores on the couch as Sally, Bobby, and Polly run by. Betty is at the photo shoot, looking even more gorgeous than usual. She’s with a dark haired man, a young girl, and younger boy, and a dog—it’s pretty much an exact copy of the Draper family, if the Drapers ever went on a picnic. Back at home, Sally, Bobby and Polly are watching the neighbor’s pigeons fly back home. As one bird comes in for a landing, Polly leaps into the air (this is like Air Bud: The Unrated Edition) and catches it in her mouth. The kids and neighbor all freak out, and the neighbor retrieves the wounded bird and tells the kids, “If I see that dog in my yard again, I’m going to shoot it.” And I thought one dad slapping another dad’s son (at Sally’s birthday party) was bad. I mean, really, who says that to two kids under the age of 10? The sort of lonely freak who’s really into pigeons, I guess.

That night, Don arrives home for dinner and Betty reports that everyone had a very nice day, her in the city and the kids with Ethel. Don asks how the shoot was, and he seems genuinely interested! She laughs about how funny Ronnie, the art director, was, and asks for Don’s help in fulling out the payroll form. Who filled those out for her before she met Don? Her prostitute-hating mother?

Don and Betty are sleeping in bed when Sally comes in crying over a nightmare. Don pulls her into bed with them (awww), and Sally says that she doesn’t want anyone to shoot Polly. Betty assures her that no one would do that, but Sally corrects her that Mr. Mean Neighbor said he would. Don asks if this was in her dream, and the truth about that afternoon comes out. After Betty takes Sally back to bed, Don tells Betty that he’s going to “put my robe on, go over there, find out what happened.” I love when Don is being a sort-of good father, since it’s rather rare. Betty says that going over there at 2 in the morning will make it worse, and she’ll talk to him. “You should have Ethel talk to him,” Don says passive-aggressively. Betty points out that it could have happened if she was home, too. She tells him that it’s just one more shoot, and the kids will be over at Francine’s . Don accepts this, and says, “She never slept well.” “That not true,” Betty says. Again, Don Draper: not often world’s greatest dad. Betty laughs a little and asks, “Did you see those big tears? I really want to get a picture of her crying one day.” Yeah, and then twenty years later Sally will tell her psychologist, “My mom always took photos of me crying,” and her psychologist will say, “Tell me more.”

At the offices, the Mad Boys are in Don’s office, complimenting him on the Lucky Strike campaign. Paul calls it a “super-sonic jet flying right over the market,” which is way overkill. Everyone sits and takes in Paul’s ass-kissing skills, and then Cooper and Sterling burst in, asking “Who is responsible?” Sterling explains about all the airtime for Secor laxative commercials they’ve bought, and Don says that no one ran it by him. Cooper asks again who’s responsible, and Harry reluctantly pipes up that it was him. “You thought of this?” Cooper says, and Harry stammers as it looks like Pete is going to completely let Harry take the fall. Finally, Pete chimes in that he bears some of the responsibility, as well. Harry looks resigned to getting fired, while Pete just looks super constipated. Don asks what they did, and Cooper gets to the point: Kennedy can’t get a hold of any airtime, because they already bought it for Secor. Cooper laughs, “They’re going to have to put his pretty face on the radio!” Cooper congratulates the two, and Sterling says, “I didn’t think you had it in you. And I mean that.” Aw, Sterling, master of the backhanded compliment. It’s unclear which of the two he’s talking to, but I think most of the glory is going to Harry for speaking up first. Don passes on his congratulations as well, and Pete swarms, “Peggy, you want to write that down? Don said congratulations.” Looking all sorts of self-satisfied, Pete jumps up and asks if they’re done with the meeting. Don says no, and Pete has to postpone his victory lap for a little while longer.

The thing about Pete is, he’s not actually awful at his job. Besides the Mamie’s funeral idea, he had the “Kennedy as Elvis” comparison, and “Bethlehem Steel: Backbone of America.” Even his “death wish” take on Lucky Strike isn’t far off from the “smoking is for manly men” campaigns of Marlboro. But he’s just so insufferable that you can’t help but want him to fail.

After the meeting, the Mad Boys are having celebratory drinks in Pete’s office. Harry is a lot better natured than I would be about how Pete “almost let [him] detonate a 1,000 feet from the ground.” Hilde, Pete’s secretary, comes in with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s sent over from Fred Rumson. She tries to leave, but Pete orders her to stay and have a drink with them. She politely declines, and Pete acts like he’s the fucking King of England and says, “When something good happens to me, it also happens to you.” “I know, I said congratulations.” Pete continues, “You should do something with that sourpuss. You’re really very beautiful.” I hate when random men on the street tell me to smile, even though I know it’s way better intentioned than anything that’s ever come out of Pete’s mouth. But hello, I’m a human being with an interior life; I don’t exist just to give you something to look at, so I have no obligation to smile just because it would improve your view. Hilde obviously thinks along the same times, as she responds to this by frowning even deeper. Also, this scene is just like when Christian Bale tells Chloe Sevigny to wear more skirts to work in American Psycho, except somehow I would rather work for Patrick Bateman than Pete Campbell. Pete continues grossily, “I’m just being honest. I love watching you walk.” He holds out a glass, but Hilde makes no move to take it. Finally, he lets her go, and the rest of the Mad Boys laugh—probably equally at Pete’s failure to seduce his secretary and at Hilde’s painful discomfort.

Don gets an envelope marked “personal and confidential”—more porn at the office? No, it’s another gift from Jim Hobart, this one consisting of photos of Betty modeling at the Coca Cola shoot and a note that says “Give me a call.” Don is obviously not happy to realize that Jim is using Betty a pawn in his quest to woo Don. I think there’s also some element of discomfort seeing his wife being someone else’s wife and mother, even if it’s fake, and maybe he also knows that turning down Jim Hobart will result in Betty returning home for good. Don looks disgusted, and heads to Sterling’s office.

Sterling greets Don, goes to pour some drinks, and jokes, “I can give you my assurance that nothing good will happen to that boy, although I can’t seem to keep my word on that, as hard as I try.” Sterling obviously thinks that Don has decided to move onto greener pastures, but Don tells him, “I see no reason to leave. Or maybe I see a million.” “A million? Is that what it’s going to cost me?” Sterling replies. Don bargains him into a $45,000 a year salary—if Don is making $30,000 a year, like the Mad Boys were speculating before, than he just got a 50% raise! Don says that he’s staying because he likes the way S-C does business, and Sterling responds, “I try to be as civilized as you can be.” That is exactly the right answer. Don tells him that if he does leave one day, it won’t be for more advertising. “What else is there?” Sterling asks. “I don’t know, life being lived? I’d like to stop talking about it and get back to it.” Big talk, but what life is Don looking to get back to? Devoting himself full time to ignoring his family and screwing around with his mistress? Or does he picture himself leaving both his job and his family and starting over somewhere else? Sterling says that men like Don would die in the middle of a pitch if they got the choice, but Don says that he’s already done that. “I want to do something else.” Wouldn’t it be ironic if Don gave up advertising to focus on his dreams of becoming a pro baseball player, and then he died while pitching?

Don returns to his office and asks Peggy to get him Jim Hobart on the phone. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but on the off chance that you’re reading these recaps but not watching the show: Peggy has definitely gained weight. Costumes and makeup are doing such an incredible job, because you can tell even when she’s sitting behind a desk. Anyway, Jim starts off by saying how great Betty looked in those photos, and Don can’t disagree. “So, your wife is already here with us, and I know she’s happy, so why don’t you join her?” Jim says. Don says he’s not so sure, even though he knows that McCann is “Yankee Stadium” (Don’s life will be just like The Rookie when he quits advertising!), and it’s not about the money. Jim says, “I’m surprised. I thought your wife coming here meant you were interested.” Don corrects him that that was Betty’s idea, and Jim lightly says, “Can’t blame me for trying.” Uh, for using an employee’s wife as a puppet in some sham ad campaign? Yeah, I think you can blame him. Don picks up the photos and says, “Maybe not, but I can’t exactly say that was a big league move.” Jim makes some vague excuses for being an asshole, and says, “It’s a pity to lose both of you. You’re a very lucky man, landing that woman.” Then Jim hangs up, because he finds proper goodbyes a sign of weakness.

Joan runs into Peggy in the break room, and asks what’s going on with Mr. Draper. “Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you,” Peggy says, proving that she’s definitely learned. Peggy gets Joan’s dress from the other day, but Joan suggests that Peggy keep it and get it tailored. Peggy refuses, and Joan goes into Queen Bee/ Mother Hen mode: “Peggy, you are failing prey to a very common situation among new girls.” Peggy corrects her that she’s not new anymore, and Joan continues, “That’s just it. Don’t you want to do well here?” Peggy stands up for herself and points out that she’s the first girl in the office to do any writing since the war, which is definitely something to be proud of. “Writing? Is that what this was about? I thought you were doing that to get close to Paul.” Turns out that Joan is not as clued into the office dynamics as she thinks she is. Joan tells Peggy that she heard Peggy was chosen for an account because a client’s wife saw her and thought it’d be ok for her husband to work with her. That’s almost exactly how Betty got hired on Ugly Betty, and that worked out pretty well for her (I guess—I’ve only seen the first season). And really, why would that scenario be such a bad thing for Peggy? If she’s getting work because she looks bad, it’s still work. Peggy gets up in Joan’s face and tells her that Joan isn’t a stick either. “And yet I never wonder what men think of me,” Joan snaps back. “You’re hiding a very attractive young girl with ‘too much lunch.’” Oh yes, the claws are coming out, and I wish there was a Mad Boy in the background making “Meow!” sounds. Peggy says, “I know what men think of you. That you’re looking for a husband, and you’re fun. And not in that order.” Joan states that “This isn’t China, there’s no money in virginity,” and Peggy says she’s not a virgin. Joan sent Peggy to her doctor to get birth control on Peggy’s first day of work, so Joan is probably aware of this. Peggy looks at Joan and says softly, “I just realized something. You think you’re being helpful.” Joan says, in her most motherly tone, “I am trying, dear.” Peggy states that she’s going home, and walks away.

Betty is doing another photo shoot, and the guy playing her husband totally reminds me of that creepy plasticky guy from those erectile dysfunction commercials. You know who I mean, right? The photographer finishes shooting, and Ronnie comes over to say he has good news and bad news. The bad news, he says, is that the client is moving it’s international campaign to London and wants “more Audrey Hepburn, less Grace Kelly.” But the good news is that Betty can use the photos from the shoot for her modeling book in the future. Betty is obviously deeply upset, and Ronnie assures her, “It has nothing to do with you.” Yeah, it’s all about Don, just like everything else in her life. Ronnie leaves, and Betty stands alone, failing to suppress her tears, as a wardrobe assistant takes her necklace off. I would love if Betty went all Naomi instead and starting throwing rotary phones at people.

It’s the end of the day at the Sterling Cooper offices, and the Mad Boys and Girls are hanging out by the desks, drinking and smoking (as always). They watch Peggy leave without stopping to join in the after-hours revelry, and Ken observes, “it probably wasn’t going to happen for her tonight.” “Depends on how much we drink,” Paul says. Uh, she rejected both of you when she was skinny, so don’t act like you’d be doing her any big favors by sexually harassing her now. Ken says that the guys at his brother’s workplace call a girl like Peggy “a lobster: all the meat’s in the tail.” Harry and Paul laugh, and Pete gets up to go. Paul changes the subject, but then Pete whirls around and punches Ken in the jaw. Aw, he’s defending Peggy’s honor! Or the honor of her ass. Ken and Pete are rolling around the desks fighting when Don and Sterling emerge from their offices. Totally ignoring the scuffle in the corner, Sterling offers to drop Don off at the train station and Don accepts. Heh!

The other men finally manage to separate Ken and Pete. Ken asks Pete what’s wrong with him, but honestly doesn’t sound too upset about getting punched. Paul gathers one under each arm and says, “You two just had a fight, and I was not a part of it. Now either you too make up, or I do not stand a chance tonight.” Ken and Pete shake hands in support of Paul’s penis.

Don arrives at home to a fully set table and Betty in full housewife mode. He asks about that day’s shoot, and she says that it was fun, and they were talking about “a whole string of other possibilities for me.” Betty lies that she decided she doesn’t want to work anymore, and she doesn’t like Don coming home to a non-gourmet meal. She adds, “Frankly, I don’t like Manhattan on my own. It’s harsh.” All the while, Don is staring intently at her, knowing the real reason Betty won’t be doing any more modeling, and knowing how much pain it’s causing her. Don takes her hand and says that if she wants to keep pursuing modeling, she can. “It’s my job to give you what you want,” he finishes. Betty looks around at the Draper mansion and assures him that he does—because, of course, what more could a housewife want than a three car garage? Don leans in and says, “Birdie, you know I don’t care about making my dinner, or taking in my shirts. You have a job: you’re a mother to those two little people and you are better at it than anyone else in the world.” Aw, when Don turns on the sincerity (whether his sincerity is sincere or not is debatable), it’s hard to resist. Betty looks deeply touched, and Don says, “I would have given anything to have had a mother like you. Beautiful, and kind, and filled with love like an angel.” Betty tells him he’s sweet, and she valiantly tries to pretend that his words can undo all the damage done that day.

The next morning, Betty is making breakfast for the kids as Don leaves for work. He tells her to have a good day, and she says, “I already am.” The rest of the morning is spent doing laundry, and at 1 pm she’s still in her nightgown, smoking away. She goes outside to watch the pigeons fly back to her neighbor’s coop, and watches them as thoughtfully as she did in the beginning of the episode. And then she puts her cigarette in her mouth, lifts up a BB gun, and opens fire on those rats with wings. The neighbor starts yelling, but Betty ignores him and continues with her cathartic target practice.